Tears I can't cry
by Sugerbliss
Summary: My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, I am a murder, a monster and now a gay prostitute. My fathers a drunk-druggy, the kids in school hate my gut's and despite the fact that I don't deserve to live; I'm still trying to live a teenage normal life. I'm afraid... I'm alone... people use me and abuse me... but I won't fall... not as long as I live...
1. Prologue

_**Authors note: I do not own bleach; however this is for all the people out there who has been abused both physically and spiritually. People need to speak out for others and stop peer pressure, bullies and other crazy stuff that happens in school...**_

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Hi, my name is Ichigo Kurosaki. I am fifteen years old, I'm about 5'9'' and I weigh about 134 lbs... I have exotic "orange" hair, which is natural by the way and brown eyes. I had a loving family, a dad, a mom, and two younger sisters. My mom was murdered when I was nine and as for my sisters, Karin and Yuzu; they both are also dead.

I live alone now with my father; he's now drunk almost every day and lives off drugs as a living, but I still love him and I know somewhere deep inside he loves me too. He's always mad and very violent, but when he's not drunk; he's very loving and kind.

My life is very complex, some people even say it's worthless and that I should just kill myself; I never answer them, I let them say what they want and I just pretend they don't exist.

Let me tell you a little about myself: before fourth grade, my life was just picture perfect; my mother was my world, my everything. Dad was always happy, he never smoked, he was never drunk; hey he was always there! My sisters were just so loving; so happy, but it didn't last long... because of me.

I have a problem you see, I can see ghost... I bet you, your all laughing now. Believe it or not, there real.

Because of this I lost my mother, my father did not believe me; my sisters, well they loved me... and yet they were torn apart...

Ever since that day, I had been missing school; teachers got tired of me, students got tired of me, I lost my best friend and I was alone...

In fifth grade, I was pronounced the class weirdo; nobody liked me and nobody wanted to be near me. I was called murder, I was called freak show, I was called a monster and so I cried almost everyday... but my mother never came back.

In sixth grade, I finally fought back one of the students; he was really pretty with blue hair, I bit him because he made fun of my mother. The day after he left the school and everybody made rumors that I had killed him. People were mean to me for no reason, but I learned to fight even though I always lost.

In seventh grade, I was jumped almost every day; my father even came to the school many times before he just had to transfer me. My new school was great... well that is until news got out over the internet about me... so again I was the class entertainment.

Getting bullied all the time made me fight harder, but they were just so many that I always lost; either cause I'm the only one punished or because I lose the fight, either way I always get the sour end of the stick.

Because of my bad reputation, my sisters also got picked on to the point I was fighting younger kids too. I didn't care if I looked like a bully, no one was going to touch my sisters. Sadly what I didn't know was that they too had older sibblings...

One time this seventeen year old came to our school, just to mess with me. I believe the oldest guy to come was twenty-one, but he was pretty gentle with me as he let me go unlike the others whom put me to the hospital a few times.

Kaien Shiba was the name of my friend there, no one ever talked to him nor paid any attention to him either. We would play on and on for hours and laugh behind are teachers backs. My father never liked him though... I didn't understand till later on...

Kaien was my only light in the world; he was never there during my fights, but he was there to always cheer me up. We only had one class together and so he was never there when the kids bad mouthed me, but when he was around I never cared about my own surroundings.

During winter break, I brought him home; Yuzu wasn't doing so well and so I was watching her for the day... Dad was running late and Kaien suggested giving her some pills. I wasn't sure what they were, but he assured me that they would help her... they didn't...

By the time dad came home, Yuzu was dead... I killed her... I didn't mean it, but I did. My father lost his senses, I didn't blame him I don't think I was truly there neither.

In the end, Karin committed suicide... nobody knows why... except for me...

Kaien was never really there from the start; the teachers said that they had a Kaien once, but he died years before I arrived at the school. It turns out that years ago Kaien shiba got a really bad cold. His older sister than gave him some medicine that he was allergic to and he died. His twin brother on the other hand committed suicide, no one knows why... but I do...

I lost myself and everything for almost a full year went blank... I woke up in a rehab, I wasn't charged for murder and my father and I never really spoke about anything. He never blamed me for anything, unless he was drugged or drunk that is.

In eighth grade, I got out of rehab; my father's acohol was taking the best of him and I was transferred again towards a pretty decent school with the dumbest teachers I have ever seen. Because of my bandages and bruises, they thought that my dad was an abuser. My father loves me, he would never hurt me!

The class eventually knew who I was, but ignored me... it was very scary because not one of them would even take a glance at me as if I didn't even exist. I sat alone at lunch, I was never picked at any game or sport... not even last since the coach didn't care that I participated period.

My grades were horrible, not that I never studied; it was just that I had bullies beat me, rip my books, steal my stuff and in the end the only thing that raised a red flag was the mere fact that I always got a high 'A' in my tests.

I was hated because I existed, I was a murder and a monster that didn't deserve affection. I still wanted it... no matter what anyone said, I still wanted it.

When a new boy suddenly transferred, I thought luck was finally shining on me. He liked me a lot. Shuhei Hisagi, he was one of the coolest guy's I ever seen; he was kind of dumb though since I was thirteen and he was what sixteen in the eighth grade? I didn't care cause he liked me.

He had a girlfriend who was only a few moths older than me, however she didn't know about me.

Shuhei would hold me and sweet talk me, he was kind and loving. The whole school liked him, he was the 'cool' kid; what ever Shuhei did, they did including me...

One day, he finally invited me into his house. He said that he had a surprise for me. He took me towards his room and shut the door, none of his folks were there. I felt so shy and yet I knew something was wrong. Taking out a camera, he told me to strip... I didn't want to... but he told me that if I didn't that I would be alone again.

...So I stripped...

I was so scared, I never felt so violated in all my life... but I couldn't have him go... I didn't want to be alone anymore... filming me, he began to touch me... before I knew it, he was all over me and I liked it... I wanted him, but somewhere deep inside I didn't.

I came home late that night, my father was furious and so I lied to him that some bullies chased me. He believed me and let me go to bed.

The next day was horror, everyone knew about the night before... Now I was noticeable and people began to see me as a slut, a fag, a bitch... gay and so many horrible other names. Teachers soon began to ignore me, I soon began to slowly stop fighting as I was being more and more exposed of the monster I was.

After school, I was confronted by his girlfriend and the whole school behind her. She told me to stay away from her bitch and that I deserved to disappear of the faze of the earth. Shuhei was there, he said nothing. I didn't want him to get in trouble too and so I lied saying it was all my fault.

Shuhei agreed with me, but instead of dropping it there; he lied saying how I came to him begging him to do it, he lied and said all sorts of lies in front of everyone. Everyone ganged up on me, everyone said all sorts of stuff about me, my mother, my family...

They left me in ditch and I never came out, for three day's I stayed there when finally this random albino found me. It was a Saturday, and the school soccer team was against another school. I never seen him before, but he sure seemed surprised to see me.

He spoke to me with a soft voice and I ignored him; he seemed pretty nice, but so did the other guys.

I was freezing cold and covered in mud, I couldn't move and my body ached. He asked me what I was doing in the mud and I just looked at him. He had the most scariest eyes I have ever seen, however his confused expression through me off.

Taking his ball he suddenly left without a word... and again I was alone...

A while later, this strange man was dragged over by the albino and at last I was freed from my prison.

My father sewed the school, no body was punished... nobody, but me...

After figuring out that I was all over the internet, I told my father the truth about what had happened. He exploded, he was already drunk and furious and so he finally beat me... he beat me and he beat me and he called me all sorts of harmful names and then he beat me.

The next day, when he regained his senses... he cried. He couldn't believe what I had done, that his only son was a gay prostitute...

I left to my room... I couldn't deal with this anymore... and so I tried to kill myself...

My father came upstairs to apologize, but when he saw what I've done; I was sent to an ambulance.

Again I lied, when I heard that my father was to be taken away; I blamed gangsters while my father supported me saying how they were the one's to cut my wrist.

A few innocent guys were put away and me and my dad went home in silence...

Every so often depending on what my dad drank or had he would either beat me, yell at me or cry with me... sometimes he did all three... when he was high we shared some laughs and when he was low at times I would hide and wait for him to stop.

We just recently moved towards a really bad area of Karakura Town... My name is Ichigo Kurosaki and I am now a freshmen in an all boy's school. I am about fifteen years old about to start my new high school year...

And this is my story...


	2. My average Nightlife

_I know that I have no right to complain and I'm not complaining, but some night are better than others... My night's are almost all the same and yet I suffer from different arguments and different accidents. Call me stupid, call me weak... I'd like to see what you would do, if you were me... If you loved your dady as much as I do, if you were the reason he's miserable... What would you do, if you were me?_

* * *

"Ichigo! Ichigo! where are you, ya damn bitch!" screamed out the vicious voice.

My eyes snapped open from where I laid in my bed; it was about 3:35 in the morning.

Gasping I quickly press myself against the wall, my heart began to race as I can hear each pounding foot step go up the stairs.

"Please don't be drunk, please don't be drunk, please don't be drunk" I mentally begged myself as his foot steps came near my door.

With a quick movement, the door swung open and slammed into my already cracked wall. Angry reddened eyes stared back at me; I tried not to look as I tried to hide myself in the dark room.

He was drunk and sluggish looking as he stood at my doorway. I don't want to be beaten tonight, I'm so exhausted and I didn't want to look bad on my first day of a new school. Keeping myself hidden, he quickly spotted me as the lights went on.

"You dirty slut, why are you hiding from me?" he shouted as he quickly came at me.

"I'm not hiding daddy... really I'm not..." I lied.

My father's face scowled even deeper as he slapped me so hard that I hit the floor. I felt very dizzy as I tried to stand up, tears threaten to come and I let them flow. They were my only defense when my father was angry, however they only worked about twenty percent of the time.

"You lying worthless maggot, why do you always have to be a waste of air?" he said as he grabbed me by the hair and began to drag me out of my room.

"Please daddy don't! please, please daddy!" I cried.

His fingers were now tangled in my hair keeping me bowed so that I couldn't get up, my legs dragged beneath me and even scraped across some of the broken glasses that were in the hallway. I whimpered as we got closer and closer towards the stairs.

"Dady, daddy no! Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I cried finally getting him to stop.

He lifted me up onto my feet and made me face him; I did my best to stand tall, but my legs kept bucking from the abuse before.

"Stand up straight!" he demanded.

I tried, but my legs wouldn't stop trembling; I start to cry as my body wouldn't respond towards my fathers demands. I'm such a worthless fool that I couldn't even stand up right.

"Stand up Straight!" He roared his voice taking on a stronger and more darker tone.

He slaps me again and I fall on my knee's; My legs don't want to hold me up, I'm panicking... why won't my body listen to me?

My father lifts me by the hair again and forces me onto my feet.

"Stop it, stop it! You pitiful excuse for a human being, stop acting like I abuse you! It's sickening, seeing you alive everyday is sickening; I can't wait to see you rot in hell!" he screamed all at once.

Tears poured down my face as I began to bawl, I didn't mean to make him mad... I didn't ask to be born nor to live.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry daddy..." I cried in between sobs and gasps.

"Shut up, shut the hell up!" he screamed as his big hands wrapped around my throat.

I tried to stop crying, I tried to gasp for air and yet I couldn't stop my uncontrollable sobbing. His hands tightened and I felt the lack of air, more tears fell as I gasped for air. I tried to speak, but no words fell. I can't breathe, it hurts as I struggle.

Cupping his hands, I close my eyes when suddenly... he released me.

I gasp as I struggle for air, my sobs are now much more silent and my body is now an earthquake. I tremble as I try to crawl away from him, but I don't get far as he grabs me by the hair and lifts me to my feet.

"Don't you dare, disrespect me again!" he screams.

I try to stand tall, but my weight was being held by my father. I weakly nod my head as he makes me stand; tears continue to run down my flushed face, my hair is a mess and I feel queasy from the loss of oxygen.

"Why are you still shaking? What, is it because you did something wrong again? Were you with another guy again? Did you fuck yourself?" he asked me over and over causing my sobs to get louder again.

I didn't do anything wrong... this morning some guy's jumped me and had their way, but I didn't mean for it to happen.

"No... No da-daddy I didn't..." I say a bit too quickly when suddenly he backed slapped me.

My body fell, but this time I didn't make contact with the floor; stumbling down the stairs, I screamed as pain was shot through my whole body. I couldn't stop myself, not until I hit the last step...


	3. Daddy's friends

**WARNING: drug abuse...**

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"Ichigo, Ichigo!" called out a worried voice.

My chocolate brown eyes slowly opened to see my father staring down at me with a worried expression; little lights danced through the room from the window and I knew it had to be morning.

"...Da-daddy...?" I mutter as pain shot down my wrist, I groan as my father hugs me.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." he whispers as he lifts me up into his arms.

I just watch him, he was probably in his hangover state; looking at my hand, I knew my wrist was broken. Tears fell down my fathers face and I just relaxed in his arms.

"It's alright daddy... it's alright..." I tell him.

It's about ten o' clock now, I had just passed out at the bottom of the stairs for almost six hours now. A really bad migraine plagued my throbbing head and yet all I want to do right now, is enjoy what little of my fathers affection.

Lifting me up, he takes me to the couch and gently places me there.

"Is your body in pain? did I do that? Do you need to go to the hospital?" He asked all at once looking quite miserable and nervous.

I watch him and shake my head.

"I'm alright... I just fell down the stairs... I don't need to go to the hospital... I got school in the morning." I explain not telling my father of what had happened the night before.

He didn't need another reason to drink tonight. My father pats me and then lays a kiss on my forehead before leaving. Once the door closes, tears drop from my face as I closed my eyes. My body ached, but already I have too many accidents in my record... I can't live with myself if they were to take my dad away...

At about two thirty in the evening I wake up again and turn on the T.V.

My dads still out and I begin to strip; bruises lapped around my full frame, it covered me from head to toe. My legs are still trembling and yet I forcefully stumble all the way into the tub. Lying in the tub, I spend my time enjoying the cold water; despite the lack of heat, it was still soothing.

After the bath, I tossed on a large t-shirt before my underwear and just lied on the couch again. Shifting some of my things, I pulled out a first aid kit and slowly began to bandage myself... Since I have school in the morning, I'm not going to go out today... I can't afford anyone to make me look worse than this.

Finishing the last few touches, it was about six something when my dad came in smiling as he placed the six pack onto the table and then came to me with a strange bag in his hand.

"Look what I've brought you..." he said lovingly.

I looked at him curiously and smiled. my father lives off the government, but he spends all his money on drugs, crack and alcoholic beverages. He rarely buy's food, clothes or even things for school and so when he did bring me something; it was always a treat to me.

"What is it?" I ask feeling very excited.

Dropping the bag in my hands, I opened it feeling very jumpy inside. My heart melted and a smile graced my face... it had been such a long time since I felt this happy. A brand new school uniform... it was used, but it was the closest thing I ever got to receiving something new.

I hugged my father joyfully; he forgot the tie, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Thank you, thank you so much daddy..." I said happily as he gave me a gentle squeeze.

Giving him a kiss on the cheek, he gently lifted me up and placed me on the couch again. When he's sober, he is always much more loving than when he's drunk... Giving me a kiss on my forehead, he cupped my chin before making his way to the six pack.

How I hate alcohol, how I hate how it consumes my father and hurts me. My father doesn't abuse me, the alcohol does... I don't hate my father, I hate the substance... Looking back at the T.V. I close my eyes to sleep some more...

The sounds of laughing reach my ears and a dreadful stench fills my senses; coughing I wave my hand and lift up my head to see my father with his "Alcoholic" friends... Jin Kariya, Go Koga, Shusuke Amagai, Makoto Kibune and Kokuto... were all strange creeps that don't even give a damn about my dad.

My eyes narrowed as a scowl crossed my face, again they were smoking weed and sniffing crack; the smell made me sick, how I would love to just shove it down their throats...

"Ah your awake my sweet berry?" Kokuto called from his seat as he let out a puff of the weed.

I ignored him as I gave him a dirty glare; I wasn't sure if he liked me or just simply enjoyed making me angry, but he surely was good at pissing me off. Catching my glare, he chuckled as he drank some more of the bitter scotch he had in his glass.

My dad was completely drunk as he played cards against them, I stood up and didn't even give eye contact to any of them as I went to the fridge; again it was empty. Full of alcoholic drinks, but something to eat or something sanitary to drink... no.

I close the fridge filling a bit frustrated as the group laughed and drank, the last time I had a something to eat was yesterday morning when I stole some man's breakfast bagel whom was sitting outside Dunken Donuts... and even it has been longer than twenty-four hours since I ate.

Going back to my couch, I laid there watching family guy as the guy's began to over do it again. It was about time for them to leave when they all started to talk badly about me.

"So when are you going to kick him out?"

"Has he made himself useful today?"

"You know, you could make a lot of cash if you use him as a prostitute."

"I'd buy him now..."

"Still grieving about your wife... I know it's sad when it could have been the worthless trash dead instead of her."

Closing my eye's I tried to block their voices out, my dad soon began to cry and whine about how his life is miserable because of me and how I should have never been born.

Bowing my head I finally stand up.

"It's time for all of you to leave!" I said as I pointed to the door.

Not one of them were staying tonight and seeing as though my dad was high, he wasn't going to beat me tonight.

The guy's moaned like a bunch of spoiled kids who weren't about to get what they wanted and then Kokuto stood up coming to my face as he bend a bit.

"Oh, but I think that the party has just started... I haven't heard you squeal yet..." he explained.

I glared as I gritted my teeth, my daddy was the only one I would allow say what he want's.

"Get out." I spat out like poison.

He grinned at me and suddenly held me down, I fused and screamed as Shusuke grabbed my arm and Jin walked on over with his lit weed. Jin alway's frightened me with his abnormal scarlet eyes and yet I only growled as he came closer and blew the wicked smoke into my face.

I coughed, he grinned.

"Squeal." he demanded as he burned my unharmed arm with the end of the lit substance.

I screamed in pain and they all laughed as they held me down and burned me some more; they burned me over and over again until suddenly, I panicked. Kicking Shusuke in the face, I head butted Kokuto before Jin slammed me in the gut.

Falling to my knees I gasped for air when they all came onto me at once; punching and kicking they literally forced me to squeal and squirm. A final kick to my face drew out blood, my eye was in so much pain I couldn't see; holding my face I soon began to sob as they then went for my clothes.

"No-no, no-no!" I screamed panicking. "Daddy, daddy please don't let them; not again, please!" I begged him as they swiftly ripped off my underwear and were about to take down their own pants when my dad finally came to some of his senses.

"Stop, stop!" my dad demanded causing the group to suddenly pause.

Seizing the opportunity, I quickly crawled out from beneath them and hugged my father around the weist, panting like I just ran a marathon I quietly sobbed in his chest. _Great, just great; I don't go out so that I wont get beaten up and look bad on my first day of school and I still get beaten up anyways... how pathetic of me as usual... _

Closing my eyes I don't really hear much of what they said as they left, but I do remember my dad slamming the door before pulling me off of him by my hair. I moan as he pulled it pretty tight, it really makes me want to cut it... I really do hate my hair, but then again I also hate myself...

Daddy drags me to the kitchen and throws me against the wall; it hurt, but I only yelp before hiding myself in the corner. My Daddy is strong, my body feels numb... something they said must have set him off again.

"I'm sorry..." I scream.

I didn't mean to scream... I-I can't stop myself right now...

"Your sorry, you think your sorry? You caused a full mess and you think your so sorry!" he screamed as he smashed the table.

Covering my ears, I start to bawl again... I'm so weak, it's disgusting... he begins to scream as he breaks my surroundings, he throws plates and glass and even a whisky bottle which nearly hit me in the head. Pressing myself against the wall, I pretended to be invisible; I want to die... I really want to die.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I hurt you daddy, I'm sorry that I'm a mess, that I disgust you, that I'm worthless... I'm sorry that I'm alive!" I screamed.

My face felt warm and I know I must have looked quite flushed, my daddy finally stopped throwing things and was just staring at me for just a moment. More tears fell from my face and my body rattles with another cry, I'm trying to stop crying... but it's so hard.

My daddy suddenly crawls over to me and puts his arms over me as he shushes me. I hug him back and bury my face in his chest; my loud cries soon turned to soft whimpers. Curling up into my fathers arms, we both finally laid their surrounded by a pile of broken glasses and a shattered kitchen...


	4. Repeated history

The sounds of yelling echoed throughout my house as my father screamed at me; It was morning and yet again my dad was drunk. Making my way down the stairs, he followed me as I did my best to ignore him without making him mad.

"Your worthless trash, your a damn faggot piece of shit!" he screamed at me.

Today was the first day of school and I felt like a complete mess; thanks to the night before, I was now wearing a medical eye patch to hide my black eye. I had a few other bruises, but besides the one on my neck the rest were covered by my new school uniform.

One of my hands were wrapped up towards my forearm; while the other despite being covered in band aids from the cigarettes; it was just fine like the rest of my body that was hidden within the uniform.

My uniform was pretty tight and looked just perfect on me, it was a typical school uniform with a white dress shirt which I refuse to tuck in, dark grey dress pants that I personally rolled up at the bottom to show off my ankles, matching navy blue sweater vest and black shoes.

It was also in the school regulations to wear a tie, but I don't have the money to buy one so instead I used an old grey scarf to replace my tie and hide my bruises.

Grabbing my grey slouchy beanie beret, I quickly hid my exotic ginger hair; ever since the sixth grade people had a thing to cut it or stick things into it, I still never covered it... not until after I was used.

"I got to go to school..." I told my father as he followed me towards the door.

"School, the fuck do you need school for? You godforsaken harlot, I should have had your mother have an abortion if I knew you'd turn out to be like this!" he screamed out into the ghetto neighborhoods.

Why does he have to say those things... I know he's miserable because I exist, but why do you have to let the world know that I'm such a worthless piece of shit? Hugging myself, I take a shortcut through my ghetto streets; I live in such a horrible area where hobo's sleep on stairs and druggy's are all over the place. Hell just the other day there was a murder next door.

I don't care, today is a brand new day... it's the day I start my freshman year in a brand new private school for all guys. Smiling to myself, I remembered how I had impressed the director of the school with my essay. It was so good that he just wanted to keep me and now here I was being probably the only street rat in a impressive school!

Thinking about my new school, my heart pounded loudly in my chest; I don't history to repeat itself, I don't want to be hurt again. I'm afraid... afraid that they all know me, that they all want to hurt me.

"Keep it together Ichigo..." I scolded myself; I can't break down even before I get in the school.

As I enter a better area, I could easily see many other guys in my same uniform; they all looked like a pretty high class scholars, all nicely dressed and professional. I felt and looked like shit compared to them.

A beautiful black car pulled by almost getting me wet; I squinted my eyes when all of a sudden the car stopped dropping yet another fancy ass student off, he was dress quite delicately as the car up and left him there. I watched him feeling slightly jealous, my father hasn't once picked me up or dropping me off for years now unless it's at the hospital.

Feeling slightly offended, I was shocked to see the student suddenly out of the blues taking off his sweater and switching it with a hoody. he purposely undid his tie and wrapped it around his neck. I watched him go from aristocrat to a punkish looking thug.

My mouth dropped as he finished the transformation by removing his fedora and showing off his light blue spiky hair? My heart suddenly sank, their was only one guy I knew with that color hair. I remember that he had made fun of my mother and so as a defense I had bit him, after that he didn't come back to school and so kids made rumors about me killing him. I really did want him to be my new bully, I really hope that he doesn't recognize me.

We both walked in the same direction, however I made sure to keep my distance; my heart pounded loudly in my chest, I swear I felt as if it was about to burst. "Just keep walking and get to class, just keep walking and no one will notice you." I mentally told myself.

Keeping myself calm, fate suddenly decided to slap me in the face. The blunet suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, I did as well slightly swallowing a thick wave of saliva down my dry throat. My heart beat faster and faster as the man slowly turned around to face me.

I felt as though cupid's arrow had shot me from above, every nerve in my body twitched as my face heated up. My eyes widened as I saw the tanned and tall muscular teens full view, he had grown so much since the last time I saw him. His beautiful light blue hair danced in the wind as he looked back at me with matching light blue eyes.

I wanted to die as he smiled at me showing off his canine teeth; something strange almost instantly stirred inside me, I felt queasy and yet a bit high. My throat went dry and I couldn't speak; Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez had became a work of art in itself and I was lost in it.

Slowly I began to build my confidants to speak or at least say something till it all went down the drain.

"Grimmjow!" called a voice from behind me.

I pause as a student about my height ran past me with snow white skin and flowing long white silky hair. He was wearing skinny jeans instead of the dress pants, his tie was undone and also he wore a black casual vest instead of the scholar vest. Crazy bracelets went up both his forearms as his sleeves were rolled up and he even had some necklaces that wrapped around his neck almost like a choker.

Grimmjow's eyes followed the albino as he trotted right next to him; it made me feel dumb that I had actually thought that he was looking at me. The albinio teasingly shoved the blunet and the two chuckled as they walked side by side to school. My heart sank once more as I watched them, to think anyone would ever look at me with caring eyes.

Picking up my feet, I slowly walked way behind them as they spoke; feeling a bit lost, the albino suddenly glanced back over his shoulder towards me with black eyes and golden irises. I recognized him, he looked much older than the last time I saw him; his hair was a bit longer and his nails were now black, but his fearful eyes were still the same.

He grinned a frightening grin as he caught my eyes, it made a sickening feeling go down my gut; as he turned back around, I watched how graceful his hair flowed as he went picture perfect back into place. He was sophisticated as he walked and how he talked with his friend; I could never carry myself like that...

* * *

Standing outside the classroom, I could hear the teacher getting ready to present me. I really didn't want him too, but it was a custom to present the new students. Peaking through the little window, I saw that the teacher was the strange man that had helped me out of the ditch.

He was lean-built, tall and pretty lively with pale skin and grey eyes. His hair was very messy, it was almost a pale blonde with strands framing the sides of his face and even hanging in between his eyes.

He kinda looked like a bum in nice clothing...

"Kurosaki Ichigo..." he suddenly said joyfully right on cue.

I didn't look at him as I walked in staying very quite as the classroom chuckled at my name.

"Berry? there's a guy named Berry?" asked one of the students.

"I think it's pretty..." said another.

"Kurosaki-san?" the man continued causing me to slightly look back up at him.

Amazingly he had a very big smile on his face and seemed quite friendly enough; I know that he didn't recognize me and I tended to keep it like that. I just looked at him with a deep scowl; despite the fact that I was afraid, I wasn't one to let people know about it.

"I know you must be feeling very shy, but it's nice to hear the sound of your voice." he said again.

He's trying to get me to talk, it's not working. I just watch him like an mute idiot, keeping my stern expression the classroom went silent. The teachers smile soon faded as he looked at me a bit confused, but then he smiled again and patted my head.

"It's alright, at your own time..." he said before pointing out the empty desk nearby a window. "Right don't you take that lovely seat right their in front of my favorite moocher!" he said teasingly.

"Will you stop calling me that!" said a furious teen with bright strawberry red long red hair tied into a high pony-tail and tribal tattoo's all over his head, necks and somewhat of his chest from what I could see through his opened up dress shirt.

The teacher almost instantly pulled out a fan as he laughed; I on the other hand rolled my eyes as I took my seat not even once paying attention towards any of the whispering students.

"Well now that that's taken care of, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kisuke Urahara. Besides being your Chemistry teacher, I am also you main teacher during meetings, events and even problems seeing as though I am also in charge of student counselling!" He said to me.

I ignored him as he continued his speech; staring out the window, I really wished that it wouldn't rain. The wind howled and the leaves were blowing wildly, I watched them staring blankly as I then turned towards the teacher whom had seemed to be done talking and was now taking attendance.

"Abarai Renji... " he said causing the guy behind me to respond.

"...here..." said the voice sounding quite exhausted.

So his name was Renji, I have never met nor seen him before; it was a good thing at least I know that he wasn't going to hurt me out of the blues... unless he figures out who I am. The teacher went on and on with many funny last names, but I never once looked up to see who was who; if anything I didn't even want to socialize with anyone.

"Jeagerjaques Grimmjow..." He then called out from the mist of names.

I froze, trying to keep myself hidden; I couldn't believe that I was in the same classroom with Grimmjow, facing my desk I could feel the heat rising again. I could hear a loud grumble from the front of the classroom, I couldn't look. There was a soft tapping sound and then a loud growl.

"The hell did you hit me for!" The blunet said in a loud harsh voice.

The classroom laughed, but I didn't.

"My my, Jeagerjaques how dare you play all night and then sleep in my class? You naughty-naughty boy!" the teacher teased causing the class to burst out even louder.

It was a bit different, but it was also quite nice to have a more cheerful environment... I know it isn't going to last, but at least for now I was going to savor it.

The man went on and on with the names until he had finally came to the last one.

"Urahara Shihiro?" he said causing me to slightly lift up my face.

If he was Urahara Kisuke, than Shihiro had to be a relative; looking around the room, my mouth dropped as a white figure stood up.

"It's Shiro, unless ya want me ta be calling ya Papa in class?" the albino said looking rather amused.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing; not only was the albino the son of the teacher, but rather the mere fact that when he was in trouble the albino had gotten his own father to help me.

Chewing gum, he chuckled as his father eyes him oddly.

"Go get yourself a dress code!" he directed.

"I did, but they sorta let me go with a warn'n..." the albino responded like a hot shot.

The boys around him all snickered; they were at least seven all together, it made me worry... but somehow seeing Grimmjow, my worries all ended. I don't know how long I watched the blunet, but I did know that it was the first time I had really wanted to stop time just to watch him even longer...

* * *

It was finally lunchtime.

I didn't bring anything and I felt a bit sick; hadn't eaten anything for over a day now, hadn't eaten much the day before. Sitting outside, my face slightly flushed from the sweet smells that filled my senses. What would I give to have even a piece of bread right now.

"You alright?" asked a voice.

It was too loud for comfort and it caused me to snap open my eyes; I don't know when they were closed, but seeing a pair of hazel eyes staring back at me in confusion sure caught my attention.

Turning my head from him, I grunted...

"What is it to ya?" I snapped.

It was the guy who sat behind me, however I stopped caring about what people thought a long time ago.

"Well I duno, I'm asking!" he snapped back sounding almost as annoyed as I was. "You looked like somebody had beaten the life out of you, so excuse me for caring!"

"Fuck you!" I said angrily as I snared at his face.

The red head seemed a bit taken back, but then he growled back into my face; teens all watched nervously as we were face to face with each other.

"What's you damn problem?" he asked angrily.

"Your my shity problem!" I spat like poison.

Too close... he was way too close to me, I was feeling claustrophobic. Lifting my hand, I was ready to nail him in the face when he caught my arm. Pain sent electric signals throughout my whole body. My eyes closed almost instantly as the painful rush vibrated throughout my whole body. Wincing in pain I fell to my knees causing the red head to quickly released my arm.

He looked pretty shocked himself as he backed off, I must have made some kind of noise for there was a crowed of people looking at me strangely. Getting back up on my feet, I caught sight of Grimmjow on the side looking at me like I was some sort of freak. I quickly scrambled to my feet and left.

_'Why did I always have to make a fool of myself, why was I such an idiot?... why did I have to be... me?'_

Closing the bathroom door, I leaned against the door in silence before slowly slipping unto the floor. Tears wielded in my eyes, there was no way I was going to fall for another one of those false refuges. I've seen them countless times, countless people who want to use me and then see me break.

I feel like such a girl as I sob silently, I'm so scared... I hate it, I hate my weakness... hugging myself, I embrace the solitude; between me and the sounds of my soft gasps, I promised myself that I wasn't going to do this. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry...

"Kurosaki...?" said a voice from outside the door.

I pause... who knew my name? could it be a teacher? I really hope that I'm not in trouble again.

Wiping my tears, I calm myself down before opening the door; I gasped at whom I saw. It was the same red head from earlier; what the hell did he want? He stared at me looking quite uncertain as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hey... about earlier... I'm sorry, I didn't mean ta hurt you." he said looking at everything, but me.

My heart stopped, was he trying to apologize to me even though it was my fault?

"You really look hurt, it wasn't my intentions to make it worse..." he continued breaking my wall.

"...It's... it's alright... i-it was my fault f-from the start anyway..." I said stumbling on my words and sounding quite nervous.

The red head looked at me for a moment as if he seemed confused, I could see his eyes take a good look at me before he sighed.

"Damn, you must be bipolar or somethin." he said looking the other way like he was some model before taking a stance. "The name is Abarai Renji so don't forget it!" he presented himself quite exaggeratedly as he pointed at himself with his thumb.

"Abarai...Renji..." I muttered before slightly stuttering. "Uh...mh... I'm Kurosaki Ichigo..." I said nervously.

"I know..." he said causing me to freeze.

_What do you know? How do you know me? breathe...breathe... just breathe... he knows, he's going to tell... run... hide... no... no, no, no ..._

I could feel my pulse pick up speed as my head was screaming.

"You were pretty reluctant to answer Mr. Urahara during class which is why I remembered Kurosaki, however the name Ichigo is diferent... Berry?" Renji asked and I just nodd.

"Pretty dumb, huh?" I said feeling a bit heavyhearted.

"Nah... it's pretty cute. Come on, I just gotta present ya to the boy's." he said taking me by my wrist and dragging me off.

His hand was warm and gentle as he took me back outside, he was also very kind and made me feel a bit giddy inside. He liked my name, there was only one person who liked my name and that was...

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.

My eyes widened as I saw the tall muscular teen, he was swallowing his sandwich pretty quickly when he stopped and smiled at me showing of his perfectly white canine teeth; it was obvious that he didn't recognize me, but I surely remembered him... just I didn't recall feeling this way before.

Next to him was the albino teen, he also didn't seem to recognize me without the mud and dirt I had been covered in when he last saw me. He seemed unamused and quite serious as he tilted his head.

The really tall guy and the really pretty flamboyant guy towards his left both also seemed confused; the tall one looked as though he wanted a fight, however the flamboyant looking one seemed to be scanning me for something.

"Who's pretty boy?" asked the strangely pink haired teen, it was the same voice that said he liked his name earlier.

I just watched him feeling rather shy; this whole thing felt like a dream, was there actually a possibility that I could finally make some real friends? Could I finally have someone to share with, be with?

Squeezing Renji's hand a bit, I could feel my hopes slowly begin to build up.

"This is-..." Renji started when a sudden voice had cut him off.

"Kurosaki Ichigo" said a familiar voice.

My world stopped as I slowly turn around to see my worst nightmare. Black hair, grey eyes and the same damn 69 said everything. My mouth dropped as I suddenly backed up into Renji in fear of my tormentor. My heart beated faster and faster with every second that went by.

"Or should I say Berry the gay prostitute..."


	5. Pain, Love and Loss

Everything was quiet around me, I couldn't believe that Shuhei had even got into a school like this. I felt like panicking; like escaping, but before I could move he had me by my bad arm. I winced in pain and he smiled cruelly.

"We got a gay prostitute in our school?" The tall man with the strange eye patch asked in shock.

"No wonder he's so pretty..." said the creepy pink haired one.

"Renji, what's this?" asked the albino sounding quite irritated.

"I-I swear I didn't know..." Renji said defensively as he turned towards his friends.

"Tsk, stop being a dick and quit pulling our legs." said the blunet as he spat out his bubble gum looking quite vicious in front of Shuhei.

"Wanna see the video?" Shuhei asked finally snapping me back into reality. "It's all over the internet..."

"No!" I squealed fighting to get him off me.

"What a gay pussy." Said the voice from next to him.

A bald guy seemed quite amused as he watched my face twist in pain.

"Hey your hurting him!" Renji defended.

"Your not really going to defend a gay prostitute r ya?" Shuhei asked.

Lifting me up into place, he made me stare back face to face with Renji; my eyes slightly watered as tears threatened to fall. With my eyes I silently pleaded for him to defend me. I wasn't a prostitute, I didn't have sex for money; I was raped countless times, but I was never paid for sex.

_please, please, please defend me... one of you, anyone... just make him stop... Please, please, PLEASE!_

"Well... no, but..." Renji said slightly trailing off and ending what little hope I had...

"Then can it!" Shuhei said causing the albino to slightly growl.

"Da hell ya have permission ta tell da red anythin. Ya wanna play with ya's dildo, then go do it elsewhere's. Don't go taken shit out on Renji!" he said defending his friend.

Of course friends would defend friends; I was an outcast, a worthless waist of space trying to fit in where I don't belong. Why would I actually think that I deserved anything more than nothing?

"Stop it, please let me go..." I begged.

"Can it tooth fairy, leave your begging for the gay bars nobody wants to hear ya!" Shuhei yelled causing a few people to surround me.

People were whispering and watching, however I was trembling as I looked at the different faces. Renji was looking down and away from me as Shiro shook his head looking very disproving before turning and signaling his buddy's to walk away.

"Don't give a damn about fags, however I have no care for quitters..." he said coldly as he began to lead his group away.

They all began to leave one by one as other random teens began to replace them, my eyes locked onto Grimmjow for a brief moment; his sapphire-like eyes observed me like I was some sort of strange specimen before walking off.

Tears slowly dropped down my face as students laughed at Shuhei's gay jokes, the whispers became talking and the laughing grew even wilder. Renji was the last to leave and so did the last of me. Laughing louder and louder, I suddenly began to lose my sanity.

"It's not funny, stop it, just stop it!" I screamed within the mist of laughfter.

I couldn't pull off, I couldn't run; all I could do was scream, cry and beg for mercy.

"Damn the smartest thing to have ever cum out of your mouth, was my cock!" Shuhei continued causing more of an uproar.

More tears fell down my face as I just fell silent; pulling back one of the students thought it would be funny to pour orange juice on my nice new uniform staining the white dress shirt a tinted orange. I'm struggling now as there all pulling on me like some sort of circus freak; hurt me, break me, but don't destroy my clothes. I have nothing, I have no money to buy a new one or fix it...

It's a food fight, but I'm the target; food is hitting me from left to right and Shuhei's grip on my arm is becoming tighter and tighter. This was a typical game Shuhei used to play; it was called: Ring around the gay bitch. I was always the gay bitch and everyone would be the one's to go around me and make me fall, the game normally ends when I fall.

The boys laughed and some gave me dirty looks, I was a gay bitch in an all boys school; guys from left and right slowly began to tug on my clothes, pull my hair and push me around before finally I bumped into the bald one.

He gave me a nasty look before hitting me right below my eye; some of the guys laughed and some just walked away while others joined it. My clothes are now teared up and their rubbing my face into the dirt, Shuhei is right behind me pressed against my rear end. I'm afraid... I'm really afraid now...

It's fine when I'm in pain, but it's never fine when somebody else is in pain. I hate it. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want people to hurt me anymore... I want this whole damn shit to just fuck'n STOP!

"Fuck you, nobody likes you, nobody cares for you. Your a god-damn gay prostitute, your a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve life itself. You should do us all a favor and just kill yourself!" Shuhei said bringing me back from the pits of my broken mind.

Within mere seconds, I finally snapped hitting the back of my head against his nose breaking it. He released me and I tackled him to the floor; the upraor went wild as I was pining him down, I sat on his crotch as I began to pound the hell out of his face. I only had three clean shot's before I was decked by the bald guy.

Three guy's were all on me and I was fighting them like a wild beast; I know I broke one of the guy's teeth and punched the bald guy in the eye, however the rest was a blur. I remembered hearing screaming, but it didn't stop me. Nothing was going to stop me.

As Shuhei hit me in the gut, the bald guy had me from behind; I was squirming like a mad man in the asylum, another guy went again to hit me in the gut when all of a sudden it was like I was dreaming. My vision was very flurry, but I could make out a figure with bright blue blurs take out the guy whom was about to hit me. A few yells caught my attention, and I felt the guys grip on me release.

Taking this as an opportunity, I turned and punched the guy behind me and I punched him and I punched him and I punched him till red blurs were visible from my broken painful fists and his face. I wasn't stopping, I couldn't stop and nobody was going to stop me... well except for the coach.

A tall muscleman with bells in his hair lifted me up from behind and caused me to scream and curse out angrily; I screamed and shouted like a madman and yet the coach seemed completely unfazed as the other deans separated the mass of screaming and kicking teens.

* * *

Sitting in my first period class, I look like shit and I feel worse; normally after events like these, I would be either expelled or sitting alone in detention. Surprisingly I am sitting with seven other students. Shuhei was without his bald friend however he was alongside another guy while Renji, Grimmjow, Shiro, sat in a row.

The tall lanky guy was now asleep and the abnormal pink haired teen kept on snickering from behind the albino; it was really quiet and yet very tense seeing as though all of us were pretty mad. I ignored all glances and looks. The world hates my gut's, why the hell would I think I could actually deserve friends...

Keeping my face low, Grimmjow kept on giving me some strange glances; not that I mind, his looks were quite the turn on even though I was upset. I'm now wearing Mr. Urahara's scholar sweater with nothing under, my clothes were being washed not that it was going to fix anything; it was at least thoughtful of him.

Closing my eyes, I felt my blood boil; I wasn't sure why the other five was in the room, however besides Grimmjow I really didn't want to be in a room with them. Mr. Urahara finally stood up and cleared his throat.

"Naturally, I am quite disappointed in all of you. Bullying is something that isn't tolerated in this school and especially ganging up on other students..." he said looking towards Shuhei and the other guy before looking at me.

"While I understand that you were only trying to defend yourself, you mustn't fight back other students Kurosaki. You have to go get a teacher or we can't help you..." he said sounding quite stern yet soft with his voice.

I ignored the tender and concerns in his voice, there was no point in calling for help; teachers never gave a damn anyway...

"As for you five... I don't know where to start... Szayel you did fine getting a teacher and all, but to give the last blow is not something we as aristocratic people do..." he said causing the pink haired teen to slightly chuckle.

"But sir, if I didn't than I would be bored instead of being here with the rest of my allies..." He responded quite blankly as he slightly looked back at me with a wide grin.

Pulling my beanie lower, I hid my face from their view; the teacher sighed before thinking a bit.

"I really don't know what to do with any of you, Shiro you know better than to drag Grimmy and the moocher into this and besides you also added more days towards Nnoitra's community service..." he explained only to cause Shiro to smile even wider as Nnoitra muttered some sort of lousy 'yay' sound.

"I'm so sorry, it's just that I got a pep against assholes..." he said causing Shuhei to lose his temper faster than usual.

"Can it white trash!" he said.

"Why don't ya slip into something more comfortable: like a coma." The albino retorted as if this was a normal routine.

"Hey, hey, that's enough... Shiro why is it that you hate Shuhei so much?" Mr. Urahara asked as the teen named Nnoitra was chuckling alongside Grimmjow.

"I don't exactly hate him, but if he was on fire and I had water, I'd drink it." Shiro responded with a shrug.

"Alright-alright, fifteen more minutes for you and no more talking till detention ends." the pallid blonde said now annoyed of his son's humorous rudeness.

Picking up some stacks of paper, he smiled at me and signaled me to come forth. I watched him from the far back of the class room for a brief moment before I actually stood up and walked on over.

"I need you and Mr. Jaguar to go take this towards the office, please make sure to file them and them bring me the new files. After that your good to run along home." he said causing me to nod and then pause as Grimmjow stood up.

My face slightly flushes as I could feel the presence of the blunet come closer; pulling the old files up to my face, I feel queasy inside. My heart starts to beat really fast as his shoes tapped heavily towards me.

"Come on berry, the office is this way." he said sounding rather annoyed and yet he didn't complain either.

"Don't take too much advantage of em..." teased the albino with a promising grin as I tip toed past the classroom and outside trailing after a chuckling Grimmjow.

We walked in silence down the hall, Grimmjow leading the way and I following close from behind; his scent was very soothing and strong, if I could I really would bathe in the scent. Taking in deep breathes, I somewhat felt like a stalker...

* * *

The office was a pretty tidy room filled with many different filing cabinet's and keys, but strangely there was no one here. It must have been pretty late or the staff had probably went home. Grimmjow as if he'd been doing this for some time now, quickly wen t over towards an unlabeled cabinet and opened it.

"All we got a do is put the files in a-b-c order and then we're done!" he said giving me a toothy grin.

I slightly shuttered under his gaze and turned my face as I began to separate the files; I don't know why I'm feeling so timid all of a sudden, but I know that I look dumb because he seemed to have been just staring at me.

"Ya know, you could give me half and this could go much faster..." he commented and I became bright red.

Normally I ended up doing the work all by myself or people make me do it by myself; muttering some sort of lame apology I was a bit hesitant to give him half. I know I looked like some sort of freak, but I just couldn't help it; I'm so used to people abusing me that it's hard to tell when some one was being sincere or not... besides he did leave me...

I didn't realize I had been staring off until after I felt warm hands touch my own; releasing the breath I was unintentionally holding, I stared at the much larger tan hands. My head quickly shot up to see the most beautiful angelic blue eyes I have ever seen before, his messy exotic blue mane graced his frame ever so perfectly that he could make models jealous.

"Relax, I'm not mad at ya... Shuhei's group are just a bunch of blood sucking ticks. I hate their guts and so do my boy's... by the way the name is Grimmjow, Leader of the basketball team and top player of the soccer team." he presented himself making me feel even more nervous that he is even talking to me.

"H-hey... w-well u-um... I'm Ichigo..." I said in between mumbles and stuttering. "I don't really play sports... maybe tennis or... track, but nothing much..." I said plainly without telling him that the main reason was because I was never chosen.

"Seriously? Shiro is in charge of the Tennis club, he used to do Track too so I'm sure he can get you in it. He also is the leader of fencing and soccer so that's a freebie if you wanna join... unless your interested in basket ball, then I could train ya." he said talking to me like nothing bad had happened.

For once in my life I felt like I was having a normal life talking about normal stuff with the hottest guy in school; I know I felt and looked like a giddy school girl, but it was just that, I haven't felt this good in a long time.

"Sounds promising... I'm just... not too good at team work..." I explained.

"Ah don't worry, you'll get used to it. That's exactly how the rest of us started out! Nnoitra was a jerk who would always hog the ball and next to me was the worst team player I knew up until last year when we became buddies. Szayel is a freak to nature, president of the science and biology club; he hated people and team work cause they never did there fair side of the job and always expected to get the same credit as he did." he said as he began to help me sort the papers.

"Well he still didn't change much seeing as though he only allows specific people to join the club, but with us he's pretty carefree. Renji is a worry wort, however he wasn't a team player till this year and I've known him since the fourth grade... I hated being a team player, I am better than most people and not too many guys can keep up with me... Even though I hate to admit it, if it wasn't for Shiro I would have been in one hot mess..." He continued before looking at me.

Him talking made me feel so much better, somehow I felt at ease as all I had to do was listen and enjoy his company.

"Shiro on the other hand of the rest of us had been in sports since the first grade and so he learned about team work way before most of us even though he said that he hated it until the third grade. Kicking my ass on the track even though I cheated, he taught me a lesson or two..." he explained while he shuffled his own files.

"It must be nice to have a lot of friends..." I muttered quietly as he stood up.

He only smiled at me before turning to the cabinet.

"Yeah, well we're pretty tight however as you can see; most of the time we end up in trouble or in some sort of fight. Me Shiro and Szayel are all straight A students, however Renji's struggling and Nnoitra's a natural asshole plus a delinquent so he's always causing trouble... but enough about me and my boy's, about earlier..." he paused making me feel very uncomfortable.

I really didn't want to answer about the video nor anything that pertained to Shuhei; holding my breath again as he took his time searching for some file, he paused as he smiled again at me.

"That was some nasty shit ya pulled..." he said causing my heart to sink for a brief second. "Never have I ever seen anyone go all out like that, ha ha it was some awesome shit." he said making me look at him like he was a mad man.

"Whoo when we herd the screaming and we saw you deck that bitch three times, we were like: shit that gotta feel like hell. And then when them other guys just decided to gang up on you we were like: a hell no! I made sure to get the first guy and then you went all pro on Ikkaku and sent him to the nurse, it was the most fun we had in months!" Grimmjow explained as I had my jaw wide open.

I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe that these guys had actually saved my ass.

"B-but why...?" I suddenly found myself asking. "Why would you help me especially after what you heard..?"

I know my eyes are watering again and so I turn my head as to not look at the blunet; I could have stayed quite, but I rather hear the truth now than be broken down later.

"Tsk, first of all I despise bully's and as long as there not getting physical with anybody I can tolerate them. Secondly as Shiro said I don't give a damn about fags, however I don't like quitters either. Be gay, bi or straight just don't quit on life even if you are some sort of prostitute; quitters never win and can never grow." he pointed out and then took my own files.

"I hate them, especially since being a quitter means your already dead... however you fighting back shows that you have some backbone in ya, something we all look for in a friend, buddy or ally. When Renji first brought you over, you looked like a zombie... but now, you look quite promising..." he continued as he slowly began to put my files away for me.

"Lastly, I despise Shuhei with every nerve in my body; he's my putrid cousin that I don't give a shit about..." He finished with a loud thump of the cabinet.

Grabbing the new files, I just stare at him as if he was something out of this world. I couldn't relate what so ever with what he had just told me and I couldn't respond as I felt like I just wanted to cry and spill my soul out to him.

"There that was the last one... you should come sit with us during lunch tomorrow, we usually have a pot luck every so often and so you can bring whatever you want..." he said before looking back at me oddly. "Is something wrong?" he asked getting closer.

Shaking my head, I turned to leave when Grimmjow tried to stop me; there was a loud sound as if he had hit something and then I could feel his weight over my own, Falling down to the floor with him over my back I finally lose my beanie beret while the new files that he was carrying were all over the floor.

"Lord fucking shit!" he cursed out of surprise.

My ginger locks almost instantly framed my face and his expression widened as if he was shocked as to what he saw. I felt completely ashamed from the embarrassing position we were in. Here I was called a gay prostitute and now I was face to face with the sexiest guy on earth who probably thinks I'm the biggest freak.

"I'm sorry!" I said nervously as we stared into each others eyes, his soft pale lips were just inches away from my own and yet I blushed brightly as I staggered from under him and onto my feet. Grabbing my beanie I quickly ran as fast as I could out of the school...

* * *

_Grimmjow Pov_

"Berry, berry wait!" I called out, but I had no response; I didn't mean to scare him...

Orange? The fuck, the berry looks like a berry! I couldn't believe what I saw, not only did the mute actually spoke but he had the craziest exotic orange hair I have ever seen. Renji was one thing, but the orange was just something else.

"Something up?" asked Shiro in a smooth pleasant manner which sent chills down my spine.

"Not really besides Berry ditching us... " I responded as I watched Shiro pick up my papers.

"N-I-C-E..." he spelled out as he handed me the papers.

"Well at least I had a preview of what was under that beanie of his." I continued wanting to catch the albino's attention.

He suddenly smiled as he flipped his hair back and folded his arms as if he were interested.

"Oh yeah, and what was he? bald like Ikkaku or something crazy like Szayel's crazy older brother?" he asked making me chuckle.

"Even better, I think I'm going to be nicknaming him ginger instead of berry. His hair was like Shuhei's style, but a bright orange!" I said laughing a bit.

The albino's smile suddenly faded as he looked at me for a brief moment as if I had said something he didn't like.

"Something wrong?"

He just watched me for a brief moment and then shook his head.

"No nothin... It's just that... It reminded me of somebody that I used ta know..." he responded and then sighed. "Oh well, it could be anybody right?"

I just smile at him and cup his chin to look up at me.

"Who knows...?" I said before gently laying my lips against his soft pale ones.

Wrapping my free arm around his waist, I deepened our kiss causing the albino to moan before he pulled off.

"Ah hell no, last time ya did this my dad almost caught us in the bathroom." he said causing me to laugh.

We've been going out ever since we were thirteen, however I never really touched him until a year later after that one particular event. We're both fifteen and yet we don't look it, his father knows about us but my father doesn't. Urahara doesn't really approve his son being gay, but he supports me and I am grateful.

"You sure you don't want a second go at it?" I teased him as I nibbled on his neck.

He laughed before pulling off me; I liked this side of him, I was the only one who ever sees it. A whack to the head suddenly makes me look back at Mr. Urahara whom seemed a bit scary even though he had a smile.

"You watch where your nibbling." he said swaying his cane.

Shiro laughed even louder before helping his father down the stares; if there was somebody that was picture perfect, Shiro hit the part well. How he dressed, how he spoke, how he walked hell even how he fought was just amazing just like his artwork.

"Are you ready to go to your daily check up?" the teacher asked his son.

"Nope, but I'm-a go anyhow..." My sweet lover said causing me to frown.

I really hate it when he has to get these damn check ups...

* * *

_Ichigo Pov_

O-M-G, I can't believe the cutest guy in school actually likes me; not only did he invite me to sit with him, but he was actually about to kiss me! I feel so light headed as I made my way towards my house at top speeds, I completely forgot about my clothes in the schools washer and about returning Urahara's papers and sweater.

I felt as if I had been walking on air; dancing through the dark alley ways, I suddenly pause as I stared at my house. Broken windows, graffiti and smoke filled my already pitiful looking house. The words "Berry the prostitute" was written in big alongside other insults were all over my house.

An ambulance was also in sight alongside a couple of police cars and a firetruck; two men quickly came out of my house caring one of my worst fears.

"DAD!" I screamed out as I ran over panicking.

"Please stay back!" they ordered me, but I didn't listen as I fought to be by my father's side.

"Daddy, please don't... DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!" I screamed as if it was the end of the world.

My dad looked so frail and broken, because of me... if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been hurt like this... he would have been alright. Tears fell down my face like precious jewels as I shook my head violently. They were keeping me away as I was kicking and fussing.

"DAD!" I suddenly shrieked loosing my sanity completely in this hellish nightmare...


	6. Hospital distress

_Ichigo Pov_

Tears trail down my flushed face as I cough wildly and then retch again the remaining contents in my stomach; hugging the toilet as if it was my only friend, I try to get a grip over myself. I wasn't drunk, this always seem to happen every now and then when I can't control my nerves. Coughing again my body shook uncontrollably as a small moan escaped my lips followed my more spewing.

I'm in the hospital's public bathroom right now, I don't know how my fathers doing; they won't let me see him and they won't tell me either. The hospital knows me all to well, they think either I'm a delinquent looking for trouble while others think that I'm just an accident prone waiting to explode. Only one of them truly knows and he's daddy's best friend.

Gasping in deeply for air, I slowly hold my breath and count backwards from ten only to cough again at four. This wasn't doing me any good, however I try it again and somehow only make it to two when their was a knock on my door.

"Don't mean to bother, but are you alright in there..?" said a familiar voice.

I don't answer as I stood up feeling pretty heavy on my feet and flushed the toilet; waiting a few minutes in silence, I watched as the shadow slowly left my door. closing my eye's, I made sure to hear the bathroom door swing open and close before I came out. I didn't need anyone's sympathy or pity, I just wanted to go home with my father.

Washing my hands, I soon found myself staring at the white wall once I was out of the bathroom. I wait and wait for the doctor to come out of the emergency room; My eyes are darkened and faded, it's very late and I know that there was a chance that I was going to be too tired to go to school tomorrow.

It's so cold in the hospital, my nails are blue and my body is shivering; hugging my knee's I try to put myself back into my comfort zone while people just walk by me as if I was some sort of freak. I don't care, I only wait and wait until my doctor arrives...

* * *

_Grimmjow Pov_

Pacing back and forth, I looked as though I was waiting for my pregnant wife to have a child and trust me I would have preferred that over this. Shiro laid on the medical bed with his arms folded towards the back of his head, he seemed pretty calm even though he always was. He was now wearing a patients gown and it bugged me.

"When is that blasted doctor coming any way?" I asked angrily; my patience was short and the doctor knew it.

"Patience my friend, we did miss my normal appointment because of da detention. It's only natural that Dr. Ishida would make us wait." Shiro said soothingly as if he was about to fall asleep right there.

I frown as I took his cool hand in mine, kissing it he looked up at me for a while before he smiled. His long thin fingers gently caressed my face before brushing back my hair. I close my eyes not wanting to look into his. Life is just not fair; it was never fair.

"You know I love you more than life itself right?" Shiro whispered.

His words hit me like a bullet straight for my heart.

"I know... but..." My voice trembles and he cups my face.

"But nothing... you always get so- upset once your in the hospital..." Shiro said laughing a bit as he lifted up and kissed my forehead.

I quickly wrap my arms around his thin waist, before my lips capture his pale one's. Kissing him forcefully, he soon made me calm down as his darkly colored tongue snaked inside my mouth. A soft groan escaped my lips before I bend him snaking mine over and around his; he shivers beneath me and I could feel his moan vibrate down my throat.

A pat over the head soon caused me to stop and look up slightly irritated.

"Now-now, first of all those chappy lips of yours better not go any farther than that. secondly we are in a hospital young man." Said Mr. Urahara slightly upset about the whole situation.

"oh papa..." Shiro said slightly panting to catch his breath.

Lately he's been out of breath more often these day's, once during sex he even started to wheeze which was why he couldn't do track or cross country anymore. I think that was the only thing that bothered him, the main fact that he couldn't do what he loved most. It isn't long now that he may even have to stop doing sports in general.

"Now don't papa me, your still my baby boy and no matter how old you are I still whack em." Mr. Urahara whined teasingly as he fanned me away with his fan.

I back off wanting to get rid of the shit in his hand, but looking back at Shiro that sensation quickly left me. He chuckled as he sat back down, he was still panting but it was slowly becoming normal now.

"I had a talk with the doctor on my way to the bathroom, it seems that he had an emergency with some poor unfortunate man that had a heart attack..." Kisuke started catching Shiro's attention; I didn't really care, shit happens...

"No wonder he's so late..." Shiro responded with a frown.

"My thoughts exactly... after that, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and I could have sworn I heard some whimpering. I tried to ask if the lad was alright, however he didn't respond. He sounded very sick and so I reported it towards one of the nurses." he continued changing the topic as I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yeah? And what did they do about it?" I asked playing into the blondes hands.

"Well... nothing, they said it was normal... they told me that he was the son of the man that had the heart attack and that it was the boys normal reaction." he continued now catching my attention as well as I raised an eyebrow.

"What assholes, to think that they would take a bit more sympathy..." Shiro commented sounding quite spiteful.

"If we showed sympathy to everyone we meet, we'd never get our jobs done right." Said another voice.

My brows furrowed tightly as Dr. Ishida walked in; I'm fine with his son, but this guy was the real McCoy figure of a pedofilic asshole. I can't stand being in the same room as him; he looks at acts legit, but I'm no fool. I know a slimy child-fucking molester when I see one, been there and went through it in my beginning years till my father stepped in.

It's the main reason I don't like girls, my step mother was a child molesting shit-hole and my father... well that's why he prefers to stay single. I love him to death, but he's just to over exaggerated and tends to act like he owns a mafia. I sometimes wonder if he really did.

Glaring at the doctor, I know Shiro is tensing up; he somehow always manages to do that when the man was around. I know that the two of them are hiding something, hell even Kisuke knew but without Shiro talking it was as if nothing was going on.

I swear that if I even find one sort of proof that this gay was a sexual molestor, I was going to kill him.

"Mr. Jeagerjaques, please leave the room." he said only darkening my grin.

I wanted to punch his glasses in so badly; ever since I freaked out on the last session he's been me out of the room. Kisuke almost instantly put his reasurring hands onto my shoulder causing me to look back into his serious eyes. I know he would have liked it better if I had stayed, but for now there wasn't much I could do.

Grunting I stomp out of the room before slowly looking back at Shiro; he smiled a toothy grin before I closed the door.

* * *

How I love and hate that smile of his, I was in love with it ever since the beginning and yet I hate it because I could never understand what it means.

When he's in danger: he gives that smile, When he's amused: he gives that smile, When he's angry: he gives that smile; it so- crazy. No one besides his father does that for every event... well than again he probably got it from his father...

Walking down the hallways, I look at my cellphone; it's about midnight and my dad left me a few messages. Texting him I suddenly stopped as I saw a familiar uniform. Ichigo Kurosaki, what the hell was he doing in the hospital? He looked very cold even though he was still wearing the teachers sweater.

He looked pretty cute in it, almost like a girl as it was much larger than him and it was showing off his bare shoulders. His skin was pretty pale for a red head and yet watching him shiver made me realize why. To be honest, I thought he was a girl in an all boy's school; he even made Luppi look straight.

Walking over, I noticed that he didn't notice me and so I smirked; the kid was pretty dull and melancholic guy and so I thought it would be great to make my appearance out of the ordinary. Taking off my jacket, I sneaked behind him; he seemed to have been lost in contemplation as he just stared at a wall.

Reaching over from behind him, I wrapped my jacket around his shaking body; almost instantly he reacted like a zombie coming back to life. Jolting up, he turned to look at me with eyes wide open. I almost instantly gulped at his chocolate covered orbs, surrounded by flashy sunset lashes.

It was so interesting like the complete opposite of my lover; Shiro was like night or like winter, but this boy reminded me of the sunset or autumn. I swear if I wasn't loyal this boy would have been mine.

"G-Grimmjow...?" he muttered completely shocked to see me.

I grinned widely showing off my perfectly white teeth, besides my hair eyes and abs my toothy grin is one of my most admirable appearance and I take great pleasure in boasting about it.

"Sup Gingy, what brings you here?" I asked as I rested my arms on the rail of the chair.

The copper head teen eye's almost instantly watered at my question as his face flustered; I stare at him like an idiot knowing I must have said something stupid. He faces the floor so that his dashing sunset bangs would hide his face from me, he says nothing and so I did the first thing that came to my mind at the time. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I try to calm him down.

"Hey-hey, easy now... what happened?" I asked only receiving a shake of a head for an answer.

Turning my head, I wished Szayel was here; he was always much better at making people feel better I was.

"Come on, it'll make you feel better?" I assured him.

"I- wenn home a-an what m-my da-dad an-and I don-don know wha-whats ha-hap'n..." he said sounding very hoarse as he tried to explain what had happened rather quickly, I couldn't really understand what he was saying though.

He was now sobbing as he shook violently beneath my hands; I didn't know what to do, he looked as though he was about to break apart. People watched us strangely and the nurses were ignoring us as if it was nothing.

"Th-they wo-wont t-t-tell me wha-whats wo-wo-wrong..." he said in between gasps before his sobbing soon became a bit louder.

Breaking down beneath me, I finally pulled the berry into a tight embrace; the sobbing almost instantly stopped, it was very scary. I wasn't sure if I did something wrong or if this was normal, but at least I got him to stop crying.

Holding him for a brief moment, I found it kind a funny that he smelt like wild strawberries and then it hit me all at once; was this the kid who's father had a heart attack?

* * *

_Ichigo Pov_

I froze as I felt the warm embrace of the other male, I couldn't breath I couldn't move and I didn't want to. Besides my family, no one had ever embraced me like this since I was nine; not even Shuhei embraced me and I thought that we were together.

Gasping a bit, I took several short breaths just to calm my nerves as Grimmjows lovely scent consumed my senses; before I knew it, I was relaxing in the taller man's embrace. It soothed me and made me forget about the world around me; I deeply wished that I could have stayed in his arms forever.

"It's alright... every things going to be alright..." he whispered in my ear.

I shivered at his tone and he held me even tighter; how I wanted to just dish out my heart and mind, tell him all of my worries and my pains. I couldn't... now I am afraid of loosing him, now I know that if he turns on me like Shuhei; I will break and crumble until there's nothing, but dust in the wind.

I can't lose him, he doesn't like quitters and so I will prove to him that I am strong; that life won't break me down, I have to bring up my courage and show him something more than my reflection...

"I'm sorry..." I whispered getting a grip of myself as I rubbed my eyes.

"It's alright, your good." he responded as I hesitantly lifted from his embrace.

He seemed a bit confused at my sudden change of demeanor, but it was alright seeing as though after taking a good look at me he grins his sexy toothy grin again. How I simply love that smile, I don't care what time of day it is; I could just melt in it.

"So... why did you choose to change to my school this long down the road?" he asked me changing the topic from what had happened to a little more about me.

It was like he was watching what he said to me; not that I minded, no one ever watched what they said around me and so Grimmjow doing it was very sweet.

"Well... there was an essay competition in where the winner got to challenge the state and then all of Japan. The Director of the school was there alongside the head of the school ministry. It was kind of embarrassing cause I was dressed in ripped jeans and an out of uniform hoody, but as soon as my name was called out as the winner; they all wanted to see me." I said sounding a bit shy.

Grimmjow seemed quite amazed as he looked at me, his eyes were wide and he sorta laughed.

"Your shit'n me, your the kid that put Ishida's work in second place? Me and my boy's have been laughing about that for weeks!" he explained laughing out loud making me grin for the first time in a long time.

"Yeah, I remembered his expression; though he wasn't as pissed as his father, he was actually a very good sport." I explained.

Grimmjow snorted, before sitting down with me.

"And what else happened?" he asked sounding quite interested.

"They were surprised that I looked like a delinquent, but then they were all arguing about which school I should move on to? I was a bit shocked cause I was only doing it for the cash, after a while of arguing they gave me a test to see where I fitted in and I Aced it with flying colors." I said arrogantly which was a true story.

"The directors were completely shocked since it was just a random test right there and then and so instead of giving me the cash, they gave me a scholarship for this school promising that if I keep my grades up that no matter what they would pay for my tuition. Only problem is: I have to keep on doing essays and special activity to prove I'm not just going to waits there money that could be spent on something else..." I finished explaining.

"S-W-E-E-T!" he spelled out in the most seductive way I have ever seen anyone speak, it gave me goosebumps. "Most people just go there cause their parents have money or cause they want an easier access to college, but you have a special case." he continued catching my attention.

"My father is one of those rich bastards alongside Nnoitra's step father, so we're just here cause of our parents. Shiro's dad works in the school and Renji's got a fiance who's brother who also works in the school and is paying for him to have a high class education. I believe Szayel is the only other person living off scholarship, you know the pink one?" he said making me nod.

From there on we talked and talked about silly things such as what he liked to do and what I liked to do and about which subject I liked or what he did on the weekdays. Before we knew it, we had been talking for at least two hours.

I figured out that he hated lasagna and that he had a problem with writing essays and the teacher who is supposed to help him, that he liked math and history class almost as much as sports; during the weekends he liked hanging out with his buddies and sneaking into clubs. He loved junk food, but mostly stays fit for sports; he loved both autumn and winter which was a strange combination and topic but it was still fun.

"I can't help but feel like I've seen you somewhere before..?" Grimmjow suddenly stated after I laughed at one of his red head teasing jokes.

I became a bright red as I slowly faced the ground.

"Well... we used to go to the sixth grade together..." I mumbled and he looked at me weirdly. "I'm not if you remember me, but I do remember biting you in class..." I said a bit quietly.

Grimmjow just looked at me for a brief moment in shock, opening up his mouth he soon began to grumble and then chuckle before cackling out loud as if he had just lost his marbles. I watch him laugh, I was confused; I thought he would be a bit mad.

"Oh my gosh, ha-ha that was so- good. Ha-ha, your-your that, that, that kid that made me go crying like a little girl home to my father, ha-ha!" he said almost crying as he laughed.

I blushed feeling really bad about biting him, we were just kids but still I didn't mean to make him cry.

"I'm really sorry..." I say as he tried to catch his breath.

"Phew, sorry. Hell I deserved it; I was a foreign student at the time and I didn't really know Japanese, but what ever I said must have really pissed you off so I must have deserved it." He responded waving it off. "Besides, I didn't like that school anyway; it gave me the perfect excuse to transfer."

I watched him for a brief moment in shock, I didn't even know half of that stuff; I thought he was just a mean student picking on me and that because of me he left the school. I slightly chuckle even though it wasn't really funny; I wanted to cry, but instead I ended up laughing with him until he came.

"Kurosaki Ichigo... I see you've been making friends." Said Ryuken Ishida.

I froze at where I was; Ryuken was one of daddy's best friends and was my personal doctor... I despise him with all of my body and might and soul; I'm sure he knows it too, disgusting manipulating bastard.

Grimmjow suddenly frowned as a glare replaced his grin.

"Dr. Ishida..." He said coldly.

The man pushed his glaces a little higher before responding coldly.

"Please follow me, we seem to have some issues about your father..." he said making me feel like tight knots deep down in my gut.

I look at Grimmjow and he doesn't look to comfortable about it either.

"A-alright... I'll see you soon if your still here..." I said first talking to Ishida before looking back at Grimmjow.

"Sure thing, if not I'll see ya in school..." Grimmjow responded as I turn and walk away taking his jacket and leaving my beanie by accident.

* * *

Inside Ryuken's office was so tidy and perfect that it was scary; everything was organized from top to bottom, he sat in the tall chair while I sat across from him in the little chair. We both sat there in an awkward silence just staring at each other; my heart beats rapidly as the time ticks.

"It's been a while hasn't it?" he asks

"Not too long, it was about a week ago..." I respond keeping our conversation quick and short.

He sighs as he slowly reached over and caressed my bandaged face.

"My sweet broken berry, you know better than to avoid the hospital." he spat like venom into my face making me shiver. "The longer I wait, the more eager it makes me feel." he continued tracing down my face towards my neck.

Trembling at his touch, I look away feeling rather ashamed.

"I don't want it..." I whisper and he raises an eyebrow.

"Excuse me..?" he asks sounding rather threatening. "Last time I checked, you have no money to pay for your fathers treatment." he responded as his hand tightened around my throat making it quite difficult to breath.

"Not only that, but you have so much debt with me that I could have your house taken from you and your father put away for child abuse; leaving you alone with nothing. Now do you want that?" he asked me forcefully.

Tears are now running down my face, I didn't want that; taking in a strangled deep breath, he released my throat and patted my head as if I was some sort of pet that he had full control over. Which I was, there was nothing I could do; he had money, lawyers and power over me. I on the other hand had nothing; it was a large price to pay, but to protect my father I'd do anything.

"Good, now we understand each other." he said going from my soft red hair, down my wet warm cheeks and towards my already damaged chest.

I slightly gasped and moaned as he pinched my nipple, I felt almost as putrid as this freak; how dare I do this with a married man, I mean his sons about my age for crying out loud. The man was indeed attractive, however I found him rather repulsive.

Moaning again after another wave of sick pleasure ran through my body, his minty lips captured my own; my father has no clue about our relationship, he doesn't even know that I hated this man and he simply has no clue about what I have to go through to keep him from going to jail.

As his tongue slickly runs through and around my cavern I could feel his weight over me, his saliva was just as repulsive as he was and yet I had to suck it up. Removing his mouth from my lips, I gasped for air as he began to leave a slimy trail of wet kisses from my lips and down my throat.

Gasping at each pleasurable sensation, I cursed myself as I moaned and whined like a desperate whore; I hate my body so much for betraying me, I want to stop I hate it when he touches me and I hate it more that I say nothing.

"Ha!" I suddenly whined feeling quite sensitive, I'm losing myself and I hate it.

Closing my eyes, I really wished that I could have been sitting back in the waiting room with Grimmjow; talking and laughing about stupid things. The doctor was now undoing my shirt as he sucked on my throat, it was becoming hard to breath and so I dug my nails onto the armrest of the chair as his warm body was pressed against my own.

My heart began to pound rapidly and I squeaked as he bit my nipple; in a sense it felt rather pleasurable, but when I look and see him I feel repulsive. I'm feeling rather squeamish as he sucks and nipples around my chest in attempt to tease me, the nausea is making me sick to my stomach as I slightly moan.

Think positive, I had to think positive or I was going to go mad; throwing my head back as he completely undresses me, I slowly begin to imagine messy blue hair, tanned skin and bright blue eyes.

It caused me to shiver as I got goosebumps from thinking about it, however a sudden smack to my face brought me to reality. I stared at Ryuken with my eyed wide; I didn't know why he hit me, but I just stood there like an idiot.

"What did you call me?" he asked making me even more confused.

"... wha-?" I was about to ask when he smacked me again even harder.

I cupped my face as I stared at him again, I was completely dumb struck.

"I'm no child, I know you were fantasizing about young Jaegerjaques." he said making me blush as I tried to protest only to be hit again. "This is unacceptable... I was going to be nice, but now I need to punish you..." he said causing me to try to squirm away from his grasps.

I tried to scream even though I knew his office was sound proof, it only made things worse as he took off his blue tie to capture my hands together; I tried to fight him without hurting him, hurting him would be my greatest mistake.

"Please don't, I'm sorry; I'm so sorry!" I cried pleading him to go easy on me.

There was no way I would be walking tomorrow if he got his way, however every now and then he would let me off easy unlike most of my tormentors.

"Sorry won't be cutting it today..." he said dangerously as he tied my arms to the closet door nob.

I hate this door, I hate this room; I hate everything about this hospital especially the owner. Having my bare ass turned towards him, he swiftly took off his belt and unzipped his pants; for a moment there I thought that he was going to whip me like last time.

His large hands took hold of both of my cheeks and spreeded them making my blood go cold as I realized that he wasn't bound to prepare me.

"Wait, wait!" I cried now trying to squirm around. "Please don't, please!" I begged him as tears began to trail down my face. "Please Ryuken, please!" I begged louder as I can feel him getting ready. "PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE I BEG YOU!" I suddenly screamed out.


	7. Dark Reality

_Grimmjow pov_

I feel like a wild tiger trapped in a cage, I'm walking back and forth nervously; I don't know why I am feeling so damn touchy right now, but I want really feel worried about the carrot top. Pacing around, I feel long thin arms embrace me; I slowly grin before turning to see my snow white lover.

"So far so good?" I ask him.

"So far so good." he responds as he presses his soft pale lips against my chapped ones.

"So far so good as you two keep a bit of a distance." Kisuke said tapping me with his cane.

"Ow..." I complained even though it didn't hurt. "You know that's dangerous!"

"Of course, well that's why we are in a hospital." he said taking his keys and handing it towards Shiro. "Now as a treat, why don't you go fetch the car." he said causing Shiro to grin widely before snatching the keys and running off.

Shiro wasn't old enough to drive, but every so often as a 'treat' Kisuke would let him.

"He talked to him alone again..." Kisuke said as soon as Shiro was gone.

I blinked and than glared as the information sank in.

"I really don't like Dr. Ishida, however Shiro refuses to tell me what they talk about." he continued.

"He doesn't really talk about it..." I say as I folded my arms.

"That's not good..." he whispered before looking back at me. "Well we should get going."

"Alright... although I kind a wanted to make sure if Gingy was alright..." I responded a bit unsure as to why I was even mentioning it.

"Gingy?" he asked me.

"Ah yeah, the transfer student Kurosaki." I said blankly.

"Kurosaki is here?" he asked me sounding quite concerned as there was a sudden beep from our car.

I looked at the car through the glass windows and Kisuke lifted up a finger motioning Shiro to wait.

"What is he doing here?" he asked me.

"Well... Dr. Ishida said that something had happened to his father. I believe that he is the same kid that you were talking earlier, the doctor took him towards his office about half an hour ago..." I explained as Shiro intentionally beeped again.

Kisuke cocked an eyebrow before looking back at Shiro and then at me.

"You go get into the car, I'll be right back..." Kisuke directed.

He seemed very concerned, but serious so I just listened to him as I made my way towards the car. Kisuke left the other way and Shiro seemed almost as shocked as I was. I really hoped everything was alright.

* * *

_Ichigo Pov_

Hugging my knees, I'm now rocking myself as Ryuken goes on and on about how my father needed to stay in the hospital because of his... condition.

My body is in pain, I still feel him even though he is standing before me ranting on and on. I don't look at him, instead I look at the floor; I can't shake the feeling off, I'm trembling and I can't stop.

"Kurosaki are you even listening?" Ryuken asked sounding slightly annoyed.

I nod my head as my grip tightens around my legs, my pelvic feels like it's about to explode; I am ashamed, I feel dirty. I can't stand up, I want to run like a mad man. Maybe if I was in an Asylum I wouldn't have to see his repulsive face.

Ryuken sighed before pushing up his glasses.

" Depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, poor self-esteem; general psychological distress and disorders such as somatization, neurosis, and chronic pain are all symptoms that you have had way before meeting me..." he explained.

"Judging by the video you also have experienced sexualized behavior, you have school slash learning problems; and behavior problems including substance abuse and destructive behavior... You should be glad I don't keep you here for suicide watch." he said making me shudder.

He had me under suicide watch before, I despised it; for a full week, he was my only company. On the outside he was a calm and collective man, but on the inside he was a twisted sick pedophile.

He would go on and on for hours just toying with me and making me scream and squirm; he enjoyed watching me suffer. His son is nothing like him though... He wasn't aware what his father did and he was very gentle, however Ryuken doesn't like him near me.

A beeper went off startling me as Ryuken sighed yet again.

"Dr. Ishida, a visitor wants to see you." said the woman's voice on the speakers.

"Open the door." he said as the buzzer went off.

I didn't turn in my chair to look at the visitor, instead I just stared at the floor like I always do while Ryuken normally would have his boring conversations with the craziest of people.

"Mr. Urahara, what brings you here?" Ryuken asked.

I almost instantly looked up, I knew that name pretty well now; my heart sank as I stared back into dark grey eyes, I felt weak and meager compared to him. He frowned as he stared back at me before turning his attention back on Ryuken with a scary smile.

"Young Jaegerjaques had told me about Kurosaki-san, being his home-coming teacher I just had to check up on him." he explained before pulling flicking his fan out and covering his face. "Also seeing as though his father was in the hospital, I thought it would be a good idea escort him home."

My bottom lip quivered as I watched the man whom saved me once, try to save me again.

"Between you and me, the streets aren't as safe as they used to be anymore." Kisuke continued.

Ryuken frowned and fanned me off; I can't stand up, I can't speak. My voice is constricted and I feel like I'm about to crack, he's watching me; I freeze, Kisuke's is looking at me oddly as I tremble.

"Kurosaki-san?" he said sounding quite worried.

I wasn't sure if they were talking while I was dozing off, but I sure felt very sick.

"He's not taking his fathers condition too easily..." Ryuken covered up for me.

Kusuke was quite for a while before putting a hand on my shoulder.

* * *

It's raining pretty hard right now, it's also pretty late; leaning my head against the window, I stare motionlessly out into the dark view. Mr. Urahara is driving, his son is now asleep in the front and Grimmjow has been watching me for quite sometime.

He was next to me in the back of the car, my pelvic is making me feel even more queasy as I watch the sides of the road. None of us spoke, not one of us said a word.

I know Mr. Urahara is very worried, I could barely walk to the car; I'm amazed at how strong he was and how fast me moved on a cane. I couldn't feel my legs and yet when he saw me struggling to walk he practically carried me to his car.

He doesn't buy the fact that I keep on repeating what Ryuken had said and yet I feel like an idiot trying to fool him.

"Stop the car." I heard Shiro said from the front.

The car slowed down to stop and he got out of the car before it had came to a full stop, I watched as he walked away from the car and immediately started to retch the contents out of his stomach.

He looked really bad as he coughed and spewed some more before spitting a couple of times, Mr. Urahara sighed and Grimmjow quickly got out of the car. Shiro was quick to stop him before getting too close, his gold eyes glowing in the dark.

They were quite terrifying and yet at the same time magnificent.

He looked at me for a brief moment and grinned making me subconsciously shiver, he spat again before pushing Grimmjow back to the car.

"I'm alright, I'm just a bit car sick." he explained as he buckled up.

"You sure?" Grimmjow asked.

"I'm positive." he responded before looking back at me. "Looks like I'm not the only one..." he said towards his father.

He didn't answer.

I can tell he's mad.

He starts driving again and I can see Shiro shifting around in his seat, it was almost like he was feeling just as uncomfortable as I was.

"Papa..." he started.

he still said nothing.

"Nothing happened..." he continued and yet he still didn't answer.

We finally turn onto my street and I know they are all surprised as can be, my street looked like a ghetto war zone. It was almost three in the morning and yet there were some druggy's still out and it looked almost too scary to drive in.

"Shit." I heard Grimmjow mutter.

Each house looked worse than the next; I really didn't want them to take me home, somehow I know I'm going to be the talk of the school. Stopping at my house, I unbuckled myself to leave when Kisuke's gentle voice stopped me.

"Kurosaki-san... I think it would be much better if you come to my house until your father comes home." he suggested.

"I-I'm fine..." I said sounding very hoarse.

"Are you sure, I have plenty of room and besides young Jaegerjaques will also be there... It would be like having a sleep over!" he said taking on his sweet tone again.

I slightly blush at the thought of being with Grimmjow.

"I really wouldn't mind." Shiro said joining in with his father.

"Threesome..." Grimmjow chuckled only to be whacked by Kisuke.

"Your modesty... Really young Jaegerjaques you should learn to be more sophisticated like your father." he said causing me to slightly smile.

It was uncalled for, but it was just a meaningless dirty joke; opening the door, I uneasily stood up.

"Thanks for the invitation, but I really should take care of the house." I explained before turning to leave.

"See you tomorrow?" Grimmjow asked me.

"See you tomorrow..." I responded.

What could I say, I didn't have any clothes, I had nothing proper to bring with me; what was I too say? My father became depress and irresponsible after I killed my mother and younger siblings? Not the best thing to say to especially to strangers.

Walking up to my house; I wave them off, however Kisuke only brushed me off as he wanted to make sure I got inside. Rolling my eyes, I went inside my house and closed my door.

It was a complete mess, closing my eyes I took in a deep breath before walking over junk and heading off into my room.

I'm so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep.

My legs are still shaking and so I use my arms to pull myself up the stairs; I feel so dirty that I need a shower, but I feel so sick that I can't.

Opening my door, I turned on my light as I put my bag on the floor. Everything was a mess.

Sighing, I heard my door slammed closed.

I turned and a sharp pain struck my senses covering everything in darkness.

* * *

_Shiro Pov_

Something about the house wasn't right, it was too quite and the neighborhood was way too... creepy.

Watching out the window as my father drives us home, I look back at him.

His expression is dull again and I know he's becoming suspicious.

He has a reason to, Dr. Ishida was a pedophile and he used sex to get what ever he wanted.

I'm not dumb and I'm not as naive as I look; both me and Dr. Ishida are hiding something and yet why don't I say it? Now that's my little secret...

I'm feeling sick again and yet this time I hold it in, if I puke again my dad is seriously going to be upset.

* * *

_Grimmjow Pov_

Shiro is now asleep on his desk as Szayel braids his hair, Nnoitra and Renji are talking about some crazy ass game and here I was just staring at the gingers empty chair.

he said he was going to be here today and yet...

_Dong... Dong... Bong... __Dong... Dong... Bong_

"Goood morning class!" Mr. Urahara said cheerfully as if nothing had happened the night before.

Class started normally and some kids were snickering, however Ichigo never came by.

As the day went by, we even had lunch together; I was too lost and thought to eat though. Everything felt so wrong, after the crazy doctor Ichigo looked like a mess.

It could have been because of his father, but then again it just felt like there was something more to the story.

"Somethin wrong?" Shiro asked me.

He looked so beautiful with his long hair out and several thin braids in between; I subconsciously smiled, I bet he didn't even noticed what Szayel had done to his hair.

"Tsk, not really... I thought that Gingy was coming to school today though..." I said with another sigh.

He chuckled before leaning on me.

"Your making me feel jealous..." he teased me and I kissed his soft pallid face.

"You jealous... yeah right." I told him as he sank into my arms.

He's been so tired lately, even last night after sneaking into Shiro's bed I had to stop several times to allow him to breath. It's getting worse, but the doctor keeps saying that he's doing quite well.

"Do you want to see him?" Shiro suddenly asked me snapping me out of my daydream.

"Hm?" I ask.

"After school, we can all go and check up on him." he responded closing his precious eyes.

I grin at the thought.

"I'd love that..." I respond as he rests on my chest.

That the part, I really like about you; your always thinking about others and yet you never really do anything for yourself...

* * *

Ichigo Pov

Flashes, the sounds of snap shots echo throughout the room.

I can barely move or think straight, I feel intoxicated; tilting my head I see an unfamiliar face. I have a huge migraine, it hurts so bad.

Moaning a bit, I could feel unfamiliar hands caress my face and I yelp as he gropes me touching me somewhere quite sensitive.

The sounds of a camera recharging and snapping fill my senses, bright lights blind me and I know I'm about to loose it.

Opening my eyes again, I can make out a few objects and I see a few guys in the room.

"Good morning berry." Shuhei said causing me to hold my breath as I gasp.

What the hell was he doing here?

"Where am I?" I suddenly asked as I felt like panicking.

A man behind me laughs and I yelp again as I tried to back away only to fall miserably back onto the bed.

I'm naked and in a room full of men I haven't seen before, my body is exhausted and in pain.

I can't move my legs.

Shuhei laughed and sucked his cigarette before blowing it right into my face.

"Welcome to hell..." he said laughing at me.

I subconsciously shook my head as the men all began to laugh with him.

Camera's, cameras were everywhere.

Photos, photos of me covered the floor.

"Now that your awake, we can have some real fun with you." another man said grabbing me by my hair.

"NO!" I screamed as I began to squirm.

Fighting back I wasn't bound to make this easy for Shuhei; without a doubt I knew he would win, however I wasn't going to freely give him what he wanted.

* * *

Grimmjow Pov

Here we are again coming down the same creepy streets, Shiro is walking as if this was just a stroll around the park while Renji and Nnoitra were giving people dirty looks.

I scowl as Szayel ranted on and on about how much of an adventure this was, he's so dramatic that it sometimes was annoying.

"I honestly don't know how anyone can live under these conditions..." Szayel suddenly said as s few drug dealers eyed us.

I couldn't agree anymore, this place looked like hell.

"Well no one's perfect... Shit..." Shiro said as he suddenly paused in front of the house.

It looked worst in the light than it did at night.

"Looks like someone messed this place up good." Nnoitra said.

Renji frowned feeling very guilty about what had happened earlier.

"Now, now we shouldn't make him feel uneasy around us." Szayel said as I rang the door bell.

There was no answer.

"Berry the prostitute..." Shiro said making me look at him in shock.

"What?" I ask.

Shiro pointed up at the graffiti.

"Looks like the work of Shuhei." he chuckled sounding a bit dark. "Once we pick up Ishi, we should go pay him a visit." Shiro said sounding quite sadistic.

I smirked at the thought, how I wanted a good reason to kick his ass outside of school.

I rang the door bell again and yet there was still no response.

"Maybe, he isn't home..." Renji said inocently.

I shrugged and then went to knock; just as I hit the door, it opened.

There was no one there, but the mess we saw was horrifying.

Broken bottles, damaged property and a very bad smell came from the house.

"Damn it looks like my room." Nnoitra commented making me bump his gut.

"Asshole..." I said before walking in.

"Hey Gingy, you home?" I ask.

There was no answer.

The house looked terrible as if someone had been trying to rob them or something, however judging by the looks of things it looked like it had been bad even before then.

"Violating private property, how dirty." Szayel commented in amusement as he watched Shiro go up the stairs.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I said we're going to check on him, he didn't look to well yesterday and so..." he paused and I looked up feeling a bit nervous.

"So?" I ask.

He didn't answer me for a brief moment before turning.

"He isn't here..." he soon said as he began to walk back down.

"What?"

"He isn't here, which means that we're going to pay Shuhei a visit without him..." he said making me feel a bit uneasy.

* * *

Shiro was at times a catalyst; I don't know how he does it, but it was sometimes so random that it was scary.

"Is this the place?" Szayel asks me.

I look up and grin.

"Yeah it is... Kugo's Coacoa bar." He's gotta be somewhere in the back.

"Take off your uniforms... this is about to become messy." Nnoitra said with a large grin.

I cackled before leading the way, we ran past Giriko whom completely ignored us and moved towards the back end where Ganju the body guard normally stands by.

"I've got this." Szayel said walking to the side and acting like a drunk bastard.

"Shut up!" Szayel screamed to no one is particular. "Tell me your size!" he said seizing the body guard.

We all smiled as Ganju looked at him in shock and then tried to help the over exaggerated drunk.

Szayel really over did it, but for some unknown reason it always worked.

We all silently watched as Szayel swayed back and forth laughing wildly and even toyed with the guys nose.

It was really amusing to watch, however it all ended pretty quickly as Szayel gripped him along the shoulder knocking the man unconscious.

"Tadaa!" he danced in amusement before we all came out.

"Renji hide the body with Szayel alright!" Shiro directed as he followed me down with Nnoitra.

The music was loud and thank goodness there wasn't a lot of people.

Shuhei wasn't on the dance floor, however a few prostitutes were.

I walked past them with Shiro hot on my trail; Nnoitra on the other hand was a bit distracted, but followed anyway.

Reaching the darker hallways, we could hear people getting laid in almost every room.

I personally enjoyed twisted sex, but this was a bit too much for my taste.

Looking back at Shiro, he didn't even looked bothered unlike the pervert behind him who kept on glancing on each door.

A sudden squeal caught my attention; it didn't sound like all of the others, it sounded somewhat familiar and yet as well as in pain.

Picking up my pace, I felt suddenly awkward as my heart began to pound loudly.

The screaming only got louder and louder as I got closer and closer towards Shuhei's door.

I felt awful, my stomach was beginning to knot up as inched closer and closer towards the room.

It sounded like... no it couldn't have been him.

Reaching the door, I almost instantly kicked it down as a startled shriek filled my ears.

My eyes widened and my heart pounded losing beat with every second at the twisted nightmarish vision.

Anger... rage... destruction slowly built up inside me.

"YOU PUTRID BITCH!" I suddenly yelled releasing my furry all at once.


	8. The inevitable reality

_Ichigo Pov_

I'm sitting on the floor of the shower with me knees towards my chest, the water that's falling on me is welcoming and yet why do I still sob?

I'm sobbing as I rock myself back and forth, I feel insecure, scared and yet I just want to die.

Water mixed with blood slowly runs down the drain, I don't want to stand up; I just want to lie down and die.

In my mind I'm still reliving the nightmare over and over again, the event feels so real that the welcoming water has no meaning.

* * *

_Grimmjow Pov_

I'm walking back and forth like a caged animal, I'm pissed as fuck even though I got back at that so what Shiro calls an illiterate ass-licking swine! The image was still fresh in my mind, I can remember every detail, including scent, color and...

"He's still in the shower..." Shiro said startling me from my thoughts.

"Did he say anything to you?" I ask.

Shiro shook his head and Mr. Urahara walked on passed us, he had no clue about the whole situation and yet we were all a bit uneasy about telling him.

I'm not sure what Ichi is hiding, however none of us want him to get into trouble; for all we know he could of been into gangs or drugs or something like that.

We were all staying over, Nnoitra was already asleep next to Renji on the couch and Szayel was doing some crazy research on the berry.

"He's either stuck in shock or he could be traumatized by what had happened." Shiro continued as he leaned against the wall.

What had happened? Who wouldn't go mad at what had happened...?

* * *

_**Flash back**_

Kicking the door down a startled shriek filled my ears.

My eyes widened and my heart pounded losing beat with every second at the twisted nightmarish vision.

Anger... rage... destruction slowly built up inside me.

"YOU PUTRID BITCH!" I suddenly yelled releasing my furry all at once.

I can't even explain the situation without making myself sick; cameras were everywhere, rotting drug-hording rapist were all around the room alongside a couple of hoes who were just there for the photos, however that wasn't what set me off.

Chained to a queen sized bed with several guys taking advantage of him was no other that Ichigo Kurosaki, he stared at me with wide scared eyes before his broken voice cried out to me.

"Please... make them stop!" his broken voice barely shouted.

I lost it, the first guy that was in front of me suddenly slammed against the floor as I decked him. The second and third guy I made sure to grab one of them by his sacks and flip him onto the next guy.

Another guy took me from behind, but I managed to flip him over as well before mercilessly punching the crap out of him.

His body soon came at me to take advantage of the situation, however his face was crushed into the floor almost instantly. Shiro was an art in itself when it came to combat, no matter the situation he was always radiant as he moved and thrashed his enemies around.

Taking down the guy who was about to attack me, he literally spinned like a top hitting three guys at once before decking one of Shuhei's best friend/ body guard.

Marechiyo is almost 6'11'' and weighs over 150 kg and yet Shiro who I might add is about 5'9'' and weighs about 134 lbs last time I checked, had actually knocked the beast down to the ground.

I nodded towards him before running for Ichigo, Nnoitra on the other hand was enjoying himself as he beat the living day lights out of anybody that got into his way.

Reaching Ichigo, I quickly put my jacket over his naked frame before I tried fiddling with the chains. It needed a key and it was making me even more agitated.

"I didn't quit this time... I didn't stop fighting..." Ichigo suddenly sobbed in a hoarse yet broken tone.

I suddenly looked back at his beautiful flushed red face, his cheeks were still wet from crying and yet his large brilliant almond eyes held intelligence and mirth.

I didn't realize it, but at the moment we had been staring at each other for a while now until-

"Look out!" he screamed.

I turned and Shuhei hit me in the gut with his brass knuckles, I gasped as he knocked the air out of me. For a brief moment I couldn't breath and yet I could hear Ichigo's voice whimpering and begging for Shuhei to stop.

One punch came after another until I finally caught my balance and slammed my fist delivering a hook punch straight for his jaw. I grinned as it made contact, blood oozed down the sides of my mouth and yet I didn't give a damn.

Szayel suddenly slid beneath us in a dancing manner as he snatched the keys from Shuhei's pocket like a sly fox, saluting me he quickly went to unchain Ichigo.

Looking back at Shuhei, we both began to exchange fists and hits when suddenly a loud whine caught my attention; I lost concentration for a brief moment just in time to see everything go in slow-motion.

Marechiyo was up and crushing Shiro as he held him down, mean while his buddy was punching him in the gut.

"Shiro!" I suddenly screamed and was hit to the floor.

With both Shuhei and Iba on me, they began to beat me until my world started to spin. Renji almost instantly popped out of nowhere and jumped kicked Iba right into the face.

It looked worse that a marsh pit gone wrong, a kick to the face caused me to roll and push myself back onto my feet when the second guy was tackled by Nnoitra.

A gunshot caused all of us to stop and stare at the man holding the gun. Shuhei had blood all over his face, a black eye and a cut up lip as he pointed the gun at me.

One of the hoe's screamed and one of the emo bystanders with blonde hair gasped.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Back off Izuru, I'm doing business here." Shuhei said as I stand my ground.

"Put the gun down!" his friend begged, but Shuhei wasn't hearing it.

"You should listen to your friend Shuhei." Shiro suddenly wheezed out still in Marechiyo's grasps.

"Shut the fuck up or I'll kill you!" Shuhei yelled nervously as Shiro only grinned wider.

"I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass." Shiro retorted making me feel sick to my stomach.

He had a gun and yet it was as if Shiro had wanted him to shoot at him.

"What the fuck, are seriously going to try to get smart with me?" Shuhei asked shaking the gun around as he spoke.

"Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?" He shot back making Shuhei even more annoyed.

"Your a little fuck-ass-bitch, you know that you little fag; say one more thing just one more thing to piss me off and I'll blow your brains out!" Shuhei finally lost it getting ready with the trigger.

"Shiro!" I called out.

"Bang!" Shiro challenged.

"No!" I screamed when all of a sudden Shuhei was hit so hard to the side that the bullet had missed Shiro only by a hair and literally only cutting a few strains of hair.

Ichigo had hit Shuhei with a mallet, however it did not stop there; he hit him over and over and over again until blood was covering the floor.

I dashed for him, as much as he deserved death Ichigo did not deserve to go through jail nor did he deserve to live with the guilt that he had killed somebody.

Picking him up he squirmed violently as he screamed angrily like a wild animal.

Kugo suddenly came in alongside Ganju and an extra guest which made my bones shiver... My father.

He gave me a cold glance and then signaled me with his eyes to leave; I quickly nodded as my friends all began to move around people.

Shiro instantly head butted Marechiyo with the back of his own head causing him to release him before running after me. My dad stayed behind and no one dared to say or move while we left that room...

**_End Flash back._**

* * *

I'm staring at the floor and Shiro soft hands massages my shoulders.

"You must really like him don't you?" Shiro suddenly asked making me glance up at him.

He seemed a bit uneasy and yet almost shy, deep down I really hope that he didn't see me staring.

"He's a really sweet guy once you get to know him." I say.

Shiro chuckles a bit before turning around to leave, I catch him by the wrist and he pauses.

"You know... That I will forever love you, right?" I asked and Shiro turns to look at me for a brief moment.

I pull him into a strong embrace and he lays his head on my chest; as radiant as he always looks, it really pains me to see him get hurt.

So far my father never called me to update me if I was grounded or not and yet almost all of us were pretty fine despite some bruises and light cuts and so we could of called it a success.

"Eureka!" Called out Szayel.

Me and Shiro almost instantly ran over, Shiro jumped on the couch waking up Nnoitra and Renji and I leaned against the wall.

"You all ready?" Szayel said.

"Just read it." I demanded.

"Ichigo Kurosaki has many many cases, his first case was when he was nine years old... apparently his mother had drowned in the river in attempt to save him." he said causing my eyes to bolt wide.

"Shit... that must've sucked..." Nnoitra said now a bit interested.

"It say's here that he was a very difficult student and that he was a delinquent since the fifth grade..." Szayel said slightly nerved by the stuff he was reading.

"We're do you get this crap?" Renji asked.

"Have you forgotten that MY father is the head of the police department? Why do you think Nnoitra's not in jail yet?" he said before looking back at his laptop.

"It says he has a really bad reputation for starting stuff and bullying younger kids? Well, he sure doesn't look like the type... oh how interesting..." he suddenly said making me raise my eyebrow.

"What?" I asked.

"It says here that he shows symptoms of either a catalyst or schizophrenia, it also mentions that the tale of Kaien Shiba had a repeat of history with his family causing the death of his two younger sisters..." He continued making my jaw drop.

"That's just sad..." Renji said looking quite sympathetic.

"He endured rehab for a while and then... Hey this is the same school Shuhei used to attend, I remember it because of that soccer game." Szayel said showing the boys the picture.

"Holy shit, your right!" I responded shocked at the info.

Shiro suddenly stood up and walked away without saying a word, I just watch him and look back and Szayel.

"Oh my goodness... It says here that Ichigo Kurosaki suffered from Cyberbulling and was also bullied from his whole school for sleeping with another Rangiku Matsumoto's boyfriend Shuhei Hisagi."

"Damn I used to know that girl, shit that is just plane crazy." Renji said getting closer.

"The angry riot left the boy in a ditch and police nor his father could find him... it wasn't until a soccer championship game in which Shihiro Urahara the opposing teams leader found the boy... that... Shiro?" Szayel said looking up from reading.

I also stared and looked back to see no one there...

* * *

_Ichigo Pov_

I feel so numb now, I don't want to move, I don't want to talk, I don't want to live any longer...

The door opens and I ignore the person who steps in.

"I brought you some towels..." Shiro said as he laid them nicely on the side.

I say nothing, hugging my knees I just continue to rock myself. The room goes silence and I close my eyes embracing the silence.

Tears drop down my face and I try not to whimper as I try to breath.

A warm body presses against my own, my eyes snap open wide and I feel thin arms wrap around me surrounding me in a mist of Daisy Eau de Parfum a scent my mother used to have.

My face flushes even brighter as I realize what he was doing.

He still had clothes on and yet despite my nudity I found nothing but warmth and care, it was almost brotherly and I loved it. He was hugging me from behind and yet his cold face stuck out from the base of my neck.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

More tears fell down my face and I immediately turned and embraced him, I cried and I cried like I have never done before. Bawling like a lost child, he kept me in his arms even though he was getting soaked.

"It's not fair, it's not fair!" I cried over and over again.

"Shh... it's soon to be over..." he said.

I didn't know what he meant by that, but at the time I didn't care; I was so scared and I thought that I was going to die and then I really wished I had and now I... I don't know what I want anymore...

Bawling and screaming, he held me close causing me to slightly whimper.

"I'll protect you... I promise." he soon whispered in my ear and I can hear a door close.

I don't know who it was, but at the time I didn't care.

* * *

Folding my arms I'm pouting like a little kid as my scowl deepens.

"What?" I ask in annoyance.

"Well My angry little souvenir, seeing as though your father wont be home for some time and seeing as though you have no relatives around. I'm going to have to keep you here for a while." Kisuke said fanning himself in amusement.

"And what if I say no." I asked stubbornly as I raise an eyebrow.

"Simple I'll make you." said Shiro with a wide grin.

I turn my face not wanting to make contact with the albino, already I feel embarrassed as can be with the event that occurred earlier and him just acting natural makes me even more nervous.

"Let me guess, I'm getting the couch then huh?" Grimmjow questions and I slightly blush.

This is just perfect, I'm stuck in a house with my home-coming teacher, the guy who saved my life and my crush; what could get any worse.

"Actually, Ichi's getting my room. I'm getting the couch and you get the floor." Shiro pointed out causing Grimmjow to slightly chuckle.

To be honest I feel speechless, but I am way too shy to show it. Kisuke pats me on the back and I glare at him as he smiles.

"Well hows about some dinner?" Kisuke asks

I suddenly feel that my stomach had ate my stomach, if that had even made sense. I was so hungry that I could have eaten everyone's share combined.

I quickly followed him to the kitchen, Szayel, Nnoitra and Renji were all gone.

The table was set up with four plates, we were eating general tso chicken with pork fried rice. It smelt delicious, I uneasily stood there and waited to be seated.

Kisuke politely pulled out my chair and I sat down feeling much more submissive that I was before. I slightly noticed Grimmjow do the same to Shiro, but I didn't pay too much attention for I really felt as though I was about to pass out.

"Go on, go on; dig in until your hearts content." He said and I complied.

It tasted so good, I just swallowed everything as if it was nothing; in the end I felt a bit embarrassed because I finished a lot faster than they could get started.

Shiro chuckled and poured more food in my plate without asking. Grimmjow was just quiet and Kisuke whacked him with his fan.

"As my papa said, dig in until your hearts content." Shiro said with an amused grin on his face, causing me to slightly flush out of embarrassment.

* * *

Sitting on Shiro's bed wearing Shiro's bed clothes, I feel a bit awkward. I don't know why these guys are helping me and yet I am truly grateful.

My face flushes as I feel how soft the cushions are, I can't believe this is how a real bed actually feels like. His room smells just like him... just like my moms.

I'm stuffed, I'm clean and now for the first time in a long time I really feel loved. I wished this really was my room, that this really was my clothes, that my father was his father... I would have been so much happier.

As my eyes clothes, I slowly drip off into a deep and calming sleep.

_'I'll protect you... I promise.'_

* * *

_Grimmjow pov_

I lay the futon down on the living room floor as Shiro is laying down stomach first reading a book on the couch. I smirk a bit as I smack his soft ass and he hits me back in the leg.

"Ouch, asshole." I insult.

"Dickhead." he muses as he chuckles again.

We were both in the living room and yet it so provoked me to do other inappropriate things to him. Bending down I kiss his neck and he groans giving me more access as he turns to face me.

His skin is so soft and luscious that I wanted to drool all over him. Laying on top of him, his breathing increased and I began to kiss down lower towards the base of his necks bone.

His groaning quickly turned to pants and he slightly mewed when my fingers played with his nipples, his body slightly bucked and we grinded against each other.

"Oh Grimmjow... huh... uh..." he breathed out breathlessly.

I almost instantly went for his pants however what he said next made me panic.

"I can't... I can't... breath..." he said already worn out.

I quickly stopped in my tracks and got off of him, giving him space to breath.

He coughs a bit and then pants as he tries to regulate his own breathing.

"I'm sorry." I say feeling terrible.

I really didn't mean to crush him.

"It's not you... It's alright." Shiro says as he stands up and walks into the kitchen.

I sit down on the couch feeling frustrated with myself, Shiro always tried to find a way to please me and yet I always seem to screw it up when I try to please him.

My eyes close and I can feel a light weight upon me, sitting on my lap. My eyes snap open and I see Shiro with a wide grin on his face.

"It will hurt a bit more if we do it this way, however..." Shiro whispered in my ear before slightly licking my ear. "If your not pressing against my chest at least I can breath." he continued causing me to chuckle.

"What, your gonna give me a lap dance?" I ask him.

With a flicker of the lights and his gold eyes glowing, I can see him smirk even in the darkness.


	9. Unexpected memories: My will part 1

_Shiro Pov_

Thunder crashes and the winds blow wildly, it's been two years since the event... two years from today and yet, each time I look out the window it's still as gloomy as that one day.

Grimmjow is out cold, my dad's still asleep and then _he_ is upstairs... in my room... or should I say our room better said correctly.

Clicking on my laptop and looking up Google images, I can see so many many pictures about that one day. I hate it, what is it towards others who don't give a damn about anything besides themselves?

He's all over the internet from sex pictures to just plain making fun of the guy; I'm amazed he actually even steps out of his house.

I want to kill them all, chuckling to myself I know that I am now loosing my mind; it's only around him that I feel this way... Angry, spiteful... revengeful... How dare they do this to him?

Looking back at Grimmjow, I can tell that he won't be waking up for a while now. Standing up, I close my laptop and I sneak on past him towards my attic.

No one goes into the attic; not that my father says that it is prohibit, no... If he says that, then everyone will be going up here just because of curiosity.

Closing the hatchet behind me, I walk towards this one chest which contained a code... Seven... Fifteen... nineteen, ninety-six... The day I was born...

The chest opens and I can see multiple medical instruments and documents, picking up a picture my eyes slowly narrow as I began to remember how it all began... Just with one simple needle...

Years ago, their was a group of scientist working on a way to create geniuses... My father Kisuke Urahara was one of these scientists.

The project was supposed to be a secret, many attempts failed killing thousands of Japanese newborns and creating side effects on those that didn't die; the project was a failure and yet, they still wouldn't stop.

Yoruichi Shihoin, my fathers fiance wanted to stop the project before it got out of hand and yet my father denied it. Using the genes of a bizarre flower and transfiguring mitosis, ended the experiment with six vaccines.

One of which all six men used on themselves in order to lessen the potential of killing the newborns by seventy percent leaving a twenty percent that the infant may die and a ten percent that something else could happen.

The result of the vaccine was another failure, three of the men died.

One of the men Mayuri Kurotsuchi developed some strange side effects as his skin became like mine and his hair became blue with exotic yellow eyes which was interesting because the flower was white with gold streaks.

As of the other two men my father and his friend, well their was another result... Yoruichi Shihoin was devastated when her daughter was born dead, my father did everything to save it and yet nothing worked.

Yoruichi committed suicide not long after learning what my father had done and as a result my father shut down the project.

The last man, Sousuke Aizen did not inject himself with the last vaccine... Instead he used some sort of guinea pig, a beautiful Secretary which had been expecting to give birth within a month.

Masaki Ishida, a talented an beautiful young lady in which was going to be wed right after the child was born; it was a cruel action and yet he did it for the sake of science.

One week later and the children were born, they were twins... however there was something wrong, despite one of them having exotic orange hair, I was born...

Ryuken Ishida, Masaki's cousin and doctor was bribed into lying that I have died so that Aizen would continue his research and re-open the project.

The project re-opened behind Urahara's back and Ryuken didn't even report towards my mother that I was ever born. I was never documented and as for my twin... well he ended up reported as an only child.

Project white was what they had called me... I had no real name, but White was what he had referred to me... I hated him from the moment I laid eyes upon him.

The first few years I lived was pure torture, even as an infant I knew what was going on. I knew that I didn't belong there and I knew what pain was.

After a month my mind was more skilled than a five year old, at three years older I was smarter than the average college graduate... But at five, I was smarter than almost any scientist in that room.

Day in and day out, it was needles and drugs and other insane substances; I survived them all, if anything I became a child prodigy and with my genes I was used to make other child prodigies.

Toshiro was one of the more humane successes, he looked like a normal human child with the exception of having white hair.

They tried to make him blonde, however due towards the albino flower the results were always white.

It was around that time in which I escaped...

* * *

_Flash back_

Running through the secrete halls, I came across the same door he always uses to come in and out. Scanning one of the cards I had stolen, I easily typed in the code and proceeded into the next room.

It was much brighter than any other room and yet, it was an office; I submerged from the ground and frowned as I realized that I had been kept in an underground lab.

Taking off towards the door, I easily picked the lock and ran out ignoring the security cameras. I knew I had been spotted, but I couldn't risk going back now.

I ran out into the hallways and ran past a few white coats that I did not recognize, scientist and staff members jumped and yet all I did was run on past them.

Security came at me and it made me excite; not one of them could catch me, not one of them could keep up. It was the only fun I had ever had, laughing my voice had a strange sound to it...

I never once spoke before, so the sound slightly startled me until I realized what it was. Sliding beneath a cop and then jumping unto one of the machines I quickly began to climb up all the gizmos as if it were a playground.

People were all freaking out, they thought I was some sort of monster; reaching for the air vents I used my strength to bust it open and then enter it with ease.

Crawling through was a piece of cake, it was like a maze in it's self and yet I knew I couldn't stay too long. Exiting throughout a more quieter place, I saw this young girl playing with a doll.

It was my first time seeing a girl my age, she was laughing and playing with herself as I approached her. Reaching out to touch her, she gasped as she saw me.

Her face pouted out to cry and then she laughed as I stared at her.

"Ha ha you have papa's skin!" she said with glee.

I tilted my head in confusion and she laughed as she tried to rub my skin.

"My name is Nemu, you wanna be my friend." she said even though she had just met me.

She was weird and yet so was I and so I just nodded, she laughed and she took me by the hand as she told me that we were going to play house.

It was really fun even though I didn't want to be the daddy.

We laughed and we played on and on for hours and yet, it wasn't until the door clicked that our game stopped. At the sound I quickly hid beneath the desk.

"Don't tell anyone I'm here!" I told her and she giggled.

The door open and her father walked in; Mayuri Kurotsuchi was written in big on the door and the girl squealed with glee as she ran over.

"Papa, papa, I made a friend!" she said making me feel suddenly queasy inside.

Pressing myself deeper within the desk, I can hear them talking in another language. I never heard it before, however I could strangely understand it.

He asked her who I was and if I still was in the room, she said I from behind her and that I had daddy's skin before staying quite about the last question. After a moment of silence, he raised his voice as he repeated the last question again.

She pointed at me, I saw her through the reflection of the glass. My eyes narrowed as I watched him pick her up and call some guards.

I stood my ground as I could hear them surround both of my exits, they don't know that I can see them through the glass. They all aimed at me and my eyes widened at the pain, they all shot at the desk and only one bullet caused me to scream.

It hurt, my arm was in pain; it hurt more than what he did to me. I turn my head around to see red; my body, my hair even my examination gown was white, but to see so much red outside the operation room flickered something inside me.

The shooting refused didn't once stop not even after I screamed, something inside me was triggered and I didn't remember much.

I remembered seeing blood and lots of it, flashes of the desk flying, flashes of people breaking into pieces, blood... so much blood.

Another gun shot stopped everything, I found myself covered in blood and in a room I did not know. I didn't know how I had gotten there and I didn't know why I wasn't under the desk, but I did know that I was in pain.

Screaming in shock and in pain like a child, I crawled in the space between the machine and the wall. My body was trembling from the impact, I couldn't think straight... I was scared.

"STOP!" called out an unknown voice.

A man with a palid blonde hair stood in front of me as all guns were aimed at me.

"I'm sorry!" I cried hoping that they could take pity on a five year old monster.

The man looked back at me with soft eyes, he seemed shocked at first and yet a bit passive.

"He is only a child." he continued when suddenly... He entered the room.

Aizen was accompanied by two strange men that I did not recognize. He was in cuffs and so were many other scientists that I did recognize.

"What is the meaning of this?" The pallid man asked.

"Kisuke Urahara you are under arrest for continuing a closed project." Said a petite and shrewd looking woman.

I just watched in shock, I knew we were illegal; however I also knew every member that worked with us and he wasn't one of them.

He was obviously in shock as he tried to explain himself, I on the other hand tried to get farther away from the guards as they came with tasers.

I cried as they tasered me and beat on me to pull me out.

"Stop that, he's needed!" Aizen said almost out of character.

I know he didn't care for me, he only wanted his science.

Tears fell down my face as they dragged me out by my wounded arm, I staggered away from them and I held unto the man that saved me.

He had his hands up when I latched onto him, I could have ran but this time I was afraid. Whimpering like any child would do, he picked me up and held me in his arms.

It was the first time anyone had ever held me, my face was wet and my body full of blood and yet I just held on hiding myself from the world.

* * *

Project White was than brought to court, I was classified as inhuman and a danger towards other children. I was to be terminated in the least humane way possible alongside all of the other experiments.

Floating in my test tube, I watched as our own scientist had to put us down like animals. If they wanted to keep themselves out of jail, they had to prove it by doing this to us.

Gin Ichimaru on the other hand, had not been charged even though he was Aizens most trusted; he only watched as the others were exterminated.

His teal eyes watched me for a brief moment before he turned around carrying a basket away; my chest rattles for a moment as I felt a sense of reprise, at least one of them had the nerve to save at least one of us.

I know for a fact that not one soul would suspect Toshiro, he was the only one who looked more human than any of the rest of us.

The petite woman from before... Sui-fang than stood before me, she held a cold and dark expression making me slightly tremble in my tube.

"He's the last one." she said taking out her own personal vaccine and placing it into my vile.

My golden eyes watched as he slowly raised up and into vile filling the blue substance towards a crazy violet, my body racked and shook in pain from the poison.

I quickly began to struggle against the poison, it wasn't helping; I tried fussing and kicking, but it still wouldn't work. Suddenly... I couldn't breathe, she had pulled out my oxygen tank... Panic... all I felt was panicking.

I didn't want to die, I couldn't die... I wanted to see the sun and feel the grass, smell the air... I couldn't die just yet... Fussing against my cords, I managed to get my gas mask off only to swallow some of the poison.

I couldn't breath, I was suffocating; I couldn't see, my eyes burned... There was a commotion going on, on the outside. My lungs wasn't taking it, I wasn't strong enough... loosing air, there was a large banging sound.

I was dying and yet, through the burning mist of the poisonous water I could see him again. The man with the hat hair slamming against my tank; I wanted to cry, why did he try so much to help me?

Another loud thump caused me to smile, I thought it was foolish; He was about to loose his whole life and career for a monster like me? No one would do that out of the blues...

A crack on the wall slowly began to fade and so did my view as everything went silence... My world was now consumed by darkness and yet I still managed to hear a small explosion...

"... Papa..."

Opening my eyes, I found myself in a strange room hooked onto so many cables and cords; I felt rather dizzy and yet I felt rather warm for once in my life.

"I see that your awake!" said a soft friendly voice.

My tired eyes slowly flickered towards him and he smiled at me.

"My name is Kisuke Urahara..." he said sweetly and I said nothing.

I didn't know what to say, to the man that had saved my life...

_End Flash back_

* * *

After that day, Kisuke ran away with me towards Karakura town; I was a rather really scared and uncertain at first, but his caring and loving character captured me.

He loved me and gave me a name Shihiro Urahara, a name I loved so very much; when I was sad he comforted me, when I was mad he understood, when I did wrong he helped me just like a father.

It took a full year to fix me up on the outside, however in the inside we both knew that the poison was eating me up.

I was six when he finally allowed me to go to school, I had a lot of rules but it was the most fun I had ever had. At first the teachers were really afraid of me, I was smarter than them so I lied that I had some sort of disease.

Winning them was a piece of cake, but the children were a bit... well compared to me really dumb.

I knew how to do calculus, but these kids were only starting on addition and subtraction. The kids thought I was cool and that I could do anything. It made me a bit arrogant...

I soon began to do extra activity in order to keep myself from being bored and that's when Grimmjow was transferred in my school.

He was a scared, timid little boy with vibrant blue hair; he came with his mother... Step mother... I hated her from day one and she was afraid of me.

Grimmjow was always trying to challenge me and yet I beat him every time, it was pretty funny cause then he would cry and I would by him a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar.

He loved it every time, we became close friends even though my mind was too far advanced for his; despite being only human he was able to keep up with me, maybe not in statistics but in activities.

We became like peanut butter and jelly, we were the best team and the best of friends; however my nightmares did not stop...

It was as if I was two people, during the day I was Shihiro but then at night I was White in my nightmares. I couldn't get the flashing of dead people out of my mind, it haunted me.

In the second grade I was voted as the elementary team soccer player and track leader, I kept track on all of the elementary grades who played in each team and also got to decide who played which part.

I rarely lost a game, the only time I would lose would be because I felt the opposing challenger deserved it. I didn't like quitters and so when I saw people trying, it inspired me.

It was around this time that I met Szayel, just like Grimmjow I knew he had to have been one of the infected survivors.

The best way to tell was through odd hair, eye or skin color in which they mostly had yellow eyes or snow white skin or hair. The lesser infected would have other odd eye or hair colors such as purple or other crazy stuff.

Szayel intelligence rivaled my own, however I was more aware of my surroundings than he was; Szayel wasn't Grimmjows friend till after I exposed that his step mother was an abuser.

Day in and day out people would think I was some sort of super hero, I helped people because I knew how it felt to suffer; I gave to those in need, because I too was in need.

As I got older, I began to develop more insane abilities; I was eight when my strength rivaled against a built teen ten years older than me. I slowly began to realize that some people I see, weren't really there.

Spirits, they were dead spirits and I told my father about them... He was shocked at first, but then he believed me; I was glad that he did.

I became some what of a catalyst as I saw things before it happened, it was like I could predict events or as if I was there at the right time and place... However, there was this one time; I had failed miserably.

I was nine at the time of June 17th...

* * *

_Flash back_

It was raining as I kicked the soccer ball into the air, I just finished cancelling practice however I had to show up just in case some misfortunate kid showed up anyway.

after making sure the few kids were back home safely, I was making my own way back home when something caught my attention.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw a familiar face I've only seen in my dreams; flowing long wavy brown hair, beautiful almond eyes and with the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard.

Masaki... I still recalled her name... My mothers name. Nine years I dreamed of seeing her and yet, I find her holding some other boys hand.

Jealousy suddenly flickered inside me... rage, hatred and yet it was also sadness... I could feel White wanting to come out, and yet as I watched that bright orange hair... I suddenly froze.

We looked alike, too much alike; just I was white and he was human, besides his ginger hair color one could never tell he had been infected. Orange wasn't natural in Japan, but it was an uncommon color for humans.

Hiding in the bushes, I didn't want to come out; I couldn't... Hugging my knees, I felt like running... Running away even though I knew it would have solved nothing.

A sudden chill suddenly stopped me in my tracks, my chest pounded loudly as I recalled what the feeling was. Standing up I turned to see the ginger running towards a spirit, lightning thunder and I screamed.

"Look out!"


End file.
